Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Prologue

The Hogwarts express vibrated beneath my feet as I fixed my blue and bronze tie with trembling hands.
It hadn't even been two hours and I already felt homesick.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Hogwarts. I loved the lessons, I loved the castle and I loved the magic pouring out of every corner around me.

But I missed my family.
Hogwarts, wonderful as it was, couldn't fill the empty spot in my heart that I always felt when I had to leave my mum and sister behind.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat and focused on the conversation my dorm mates were having in front of me.

"-so much for your drawing of us! It is one of the best and most beautiful Christmas presents I've ever gotten," Lina just told Valerie.

Valerie was known for her talent in drawing. She would only scribble on her parchment during lessons and it would turn out to be beautiful.
Valerie smiled brightly and tucked a streak of her light brown hair back behind her ear.
"Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it; I was a bit in a rush to finish it in time."

"Don't worry, it's flawless. I wish I could draw like that..."

"Oh, don't talk yourself down like that! I wish I was as intelligent as you are. And I absolutely love the book that you've sent me. I finished it in less than a week," Valerie chuckled.

My eyes burned and I turned to look out of the window.
Not only did I have a lump in my throat, no.
Now they had also twisted the knive in my chest.

I should have been used to it by now, but I felt that painful tug every time I got reminded of the fact that I didn't really belong.
I was part of their group, alright. Officially.
They liked me, were super nice to me, considered me their friend.

But unlike everyone else in my dormitory, I wasn't a best friend. When it came down to it, I had noone in the castle.
I hated that petty part of myself, always complaining and radiating 'pick me'-energy, just because I was too petty to deal with the fact that I only was a friend, not a best friend. I mean, how spoiled does that sound? But I couldn't help it. It really upset me.

There were times in which I felt as if I was an equal in our friend group. Actually, they treated me like an equal most of the time and I really liked them. They were my best friends.

And then there were moments such as a birthday during the holidays, when I was told we wouldn't celebrate, only to find out that they did celebrate. Without me.

Up until this moment, I'd actually believed that this situation had gotten better, and that they really considered me a best friend, too.

But neither of them had gotten me any present for Christmas.

I looked at the green landscape flashing by in front of me.
You have Francisca. And you have friends, you're never alone. You don't need a best friend, you wimp. You're fine, now pull yourself together.

"And thank you for the cute flashlight you sent me, Freya," Lina said. I didn't even have to look to know that she was smiling.
"Yeah, it's so pretty," Valerie agreed. "I- wait, Freya, are you alright?"

I blinked away the tears brimming in my eyes and faced them again, a smile on my lips. "Yes, of course!"

Their sympathetic expressions told me that they were seeing through my act.
"Oh, sweetie." Lina stood up from her seat next to Valerie and sat down next to me, hugging me from the side.

As much as I was upset for feeling lonely, I still leaned into her comforting touch. Lina gave the best hugs, after my mother and sister, of course.
A tear escaped from my eye, while Lina stroked my hair in a soothing rhythm.