Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 46

Alice had made blue mist appear from the tip of her wand.

Frank had made a blue tinge appear in the air.

Dorcas had managed to summon a blue shadow that had ran around the living room for a few seconds.

James and Marlene had made a blue shield appear.

Lily had summoned a blue shield as well.

Sirius had summoned a blue shadow, too.

Even Peter had managed to make the tip of his wand glow with a faint blue light.

And then there was me.

Nothing. Had. Happened.

I'm sure that we'd been practicing for at least an hour.
That's not necessarily a long time, but it's still one hour that I'd spent saying 'Expecto Patronum' while imagining the happiest memories I could recall.

And nothing happened.
I was beyond frustrated, but couldn't show it in order to not look completely crazy.

I felt like punching something. Or smashing plates. I couldn't do that here, though, since it was the house of James' parents.

I tried again and pictured yet another memory very clearly.
Aleya passes me the Quidditch cup. We're jumping up and down happily and a tear of joy escapes from my right eye.
"Expecto Patronum!"

Nothing happened. I clenched my teeth and lowered my wand. Red sparks shot out of it, making me jump slightly.

"Wow, Frey," Sirius chuckled and walked towards me. Great. Out of all people who could've seen that, it was him.
"Judging by this accidental outburst of magic, it's not working for you?"

I bit my lower lip. Sirius' attention didn't help with my frustration. "No," I huffed out.

"You can do this," he tried to encourage me. "You probably just have to use a different memory."

"I'm trying!" It burst out of me. My frustration at the situation piled up inside of me and I quickly shut up and concentrated on getting the angry tears out of my eyes. I took a deep breath so that my voice wouldn't quiver out of pure anger. Another character trait I hated about myself.

I always started crying when I was frustrated or angry, and it was horribly embarrassing.

"That's what I've been doing for the last hour!" I continued when I could trust my voice again. "No memory works, they're all too weak!"

The first memory I'd tried was of my sister and Mum just spending time with me. I was always super happy when we found time for each other, but apparently, that hadn't been strong enough.

I proceeded with getting my Hogwarts letter.

Then with getting chosen as a Beater for Ravenclaw's house team-

"That's not possible," Sirius said and laid a calming hand on my shoulder. That's what he'd intended, at least, but of course my heart started thumping even harder.
"Everyone has powerful happy memories! We just have to look harder..."

I didn't tell him that I'd tried everything I could think of.

My family. My friends. Successful moments, such as succeeding at the Homunculus Charm. Nothing worked.

I didn't want to look pathetic, though.

"When are you the happiest?" Sirius asked me, an encouraging smile on his lips.
I quickly looked away and ignored the painful tug in my chest.

When I'm with you...

Of course I'd tried these memories as well. I knew that Sirius made me the happiest person ever.
But no, thinking of the time Sirius and I had spent together didn't work either.