Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 51

Once you're done with the chapter, you can listen to the song linked here (up there). It's so heartbreakingly beautiful and I want every person on earth to listen to it and try to imagine what other people have to go to, just because they love who they love.
I'm only sharing this song now bc it doesn't describe Freya's situation, so I don't have to save it until I publish her Playlist :)

So pls listen to the song (if u want to ofc) bc I love it so much

Something that had completely slipped my mind, was that if Marlene had the rest of the week off, I'd be left with no partner.

I only realised it now that I was sitting in the classroom and had an empty chair next to me.

But before I could start panicking, I had to direct my attention to the front of the class, where Moody barged in.
"Morning trainees."

"Morning, Sir," all of us greeted back in unison.

He let his eyes roam over the class. "Today we'll duel in groups of four, two on each side. You're all good enough at dueling as a two piece, but a fight in groups looks different. You've got to have each other's backs, too, not just your own. Understood?"

As usual, noone said anything.
"Alright," Moody nodded. "The usual partners just join another team. Remember, the more wordless spells you get in, the best."

I raised my arm, and Moody raised his eyebrows at me in a questioning manner.
I gulped. "Marlene's not here, so I don't have a partner."

Moody nodded. After an intense look at me, he looked at the rest of the class. "That's no problem, Tygris. You can participate in a group of five, you'll fight two against three. You'll be on the smaller side."

I wanted to protest because why me??, but I knew better than that. If Moody set his mind on something, it had to be done.
So I sighed and looked around for a team I could join.
I only ever talked to Marlene, so I was very lost until a voice called out my name.
"Freya, you can join us if you want?"

It surprised me that Lina offered it. I'd thought I'd done something to ruin our friendship, since she barely ever talked to me anymore. Now that she offered to let me join her team, excitement came up in me.
Maybe she wanted to be my friend again!

So I beamed at her and quickly made my way over to her and her partner Jack Gales. "Thank you!" I sighed, relieved.
She gave me one of her pretty smiles. "Of course."

We partnered up with a group of two other girls, Sara and Alicia, and then the duel began.
The girls and Jack formed a team, and Lina and I were the other.
Since Lina was a very talented witch, we managed to hold our ground even though it was three on two.
I even managed to get Jack's wand, so that he was out of the fight and we managed to win.

We fought the duel pretty often, always trying different curses and positions. Once Lina and I fought in juxtaposition, an electrifying curse bounced back from Linda's shield in such a bad angle that I got hit. But since it was only a little electro shock, it wasn't a big deal and I brushed it off.

Then, we switched teams and I fought alongside Alicia.
That worked pretty well, too, and I didn't get hit by a deflected curse, even when we fought in juxtaposition.

After around one hour, a jumping jack out of Moody's wand signaled the end of the duels.
Since this was his usual way to make us stop dueling because he wanted to say something, I lowered my wand and turned to look at him.

A mistake, as it turned out, when a very late stunning spell hit me in the ribs and I got knocked on the floor.

And dang did that one hurt.

"SMITH!" Moody barked at Lina, who immediately straightened her posture.

"I'm so sorry Sir, and Freya, I didn't hear the signal!"

"Hmm," was all Moody said.

I only blinked at Lina, completely caught off guard. Somehow, the guilty expression on her face looked fake.

Moody's jumping jacks were famous because they were really loud, and such a bright light emerged from his wand whenever he summoned them. There was no way one could miss them.

It felt like a punch in the stomach, and I blinked rapidly to stop my eyes from tearing up.
Lina had stunned me on purpose.
She'd only offered me to join her so that she could get to me during the duels.
Apparently, she hadn't managed to get to me then, so she'd tried again when I had no reason to expect it.

Alicia helped me stand up, but I avoided looking at anyone, especially Lina. I didn't want any of them to know how sensitive I was.
I kept rubbing my sore side, but that wasn't the reason why my eyes were burning.
"Excuse me, please," I croaked out and quickly made my way out of the classroom. Just in time, because I couldn't hold those stupid tears back any longer.

What have I ever done to her??

I guess I'd never know.

Lucky for me, the toilets weren't too far from here, so I locked myself up, sat down on the toilet lid, put silencio on myself and cried.
Not even the cheering charms were helping in that moment.

And I couldn't believe that I was thinking that, but I wished Marlene were here.
First and foremost, because I wouldn't have paired up with Lina then, but also because I knew that she would've come here to cheer me up.

Thinking back to how she'd kicked Jack in the nuts once, maybe she would've even smacked Lina or something.
I really admired her confidence and bravery.
I wished I was her on so many levels, it was unreal.

I wanted to be as pretty, smart, brave and confident as her. Especially compared to her, I was such a wimp. I couldn't even stand up for myself.
No wonder Sirius fell for her.

Stop it, Freya, you're only making it worse!!

I forced myself to snap out of it. I knew that I couldn't hide on the toilet forever, so I got up, took the silencio off of me, left the little cabin and splashed my face with some cold water.

Taking deep breaths to calm myself, I looked at the mirror in front of me.

Those puffy, wet eyes with the usual dark bags underneath, that stood in such contrast with my pale skin. Sad, faded freckles. That dull, dark and lifeless grey-blue colour of my irises. The trembling hands and the small sobs shaking my body.
I saw the little twelve year old girl, the lonely outcast without any friends, who only ever wanted people to like her.
It was as if I'd traveled back in time.

"You've got this," I told myself with a trembling voice.

Then I put on my perfect fake smile and returned to the rest of the trainees.