Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 37

Have you ever heard of Fortuna's wheel?

Fortuna, the Roman goddess of luck and fate. Everyone's fate was said to be on her wheel, which she would spin randomly. As a consequence of this, one would find oneself happy and on the top of the wheel one day, and sad and at the bottom on the next one.

Since I'd spent around four months at the bottom of the wheel, I was ready to be at the top once again, hopefully for quite some time.
My birthday had been great, and the day after had started off with great breakfast and praise from Professor Slughorn, and had ended with an O on an essay in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

But on the next day, my time at the top of Fortuna's wheel was already over.

I didn't know what the problem was, but I sucked at the Quidditch training that evening, and every time Aleya directed a confused and slightly disappointed look at me, I just wanted to disappear.

When we were in the locker room, none of the other team members waited for me. Aleya usually did, but this time she wanted to talk to our newest team members (a third and a fifth year, new Seeker and Chaser on the team), so she left with them.

When Celine and Michael were the last ones to leave before me, I decided that there was no need for me to stress, so I sat there, brooding about my most recent disappointment. I didn't want to lose my position on the team, so I had to stay focused.

As soon as I found the motivation to walk up to the castle, I dropped even lower on dear Fortuna's wheel.
Honestly, what was her problem with me?

Just as I was passing by the Black Lake, the thing I'd dreaded the most finally happened.
Although I knew that it was a regular occurrence, it still felt as if the almost constantly present knife in my chest had been twisted.

Without knowing what I was doing, I stopped walking. My legs weren't working anymore, my brain was too focused on the scene in front of me.

I just couldn't look away.

Marlene and Sirius, often referred to as 'Hogwarts' match made in heaven' were sitting under a tree.
Sirius was leaning against the trunk of the tree, and Marlene was sitting on his lap, her hands tangled in Sirius' black curls. He was holding her close by the waist, and they were kissing.

Very passionately.

My throat clogged up, and when I heard Marlene's laughter, my eyes began to burn.

Sirius had pulled away and was tickling her, laughing.

My heart sank. They looked so happy.

And I felt terrible for feeling this way, but some part deep down in me asked why that happy girl in Sirius' arms couldn't be me. Why her?

But I mentally slapped myself. I'd been over this before. Marlene was everything. She wasn't only insanely pretty, but incredibly kind and funny and talented, too.
She was adored by everyone, and even though I didn't really have a lot to do with her, I still knew that she wouldn't take shit from anyone and didn't shy away from speaking her mind and correcting others when they were wrong, which was a character trait I really admired.

With other words, Marlene was perfect for Sirius.

When Sirius silenced Marlene's laughter with another kiss, I finally managed to tear my eyes off them.

I started running, but I didn't know where I was heading to. I didn't want to go to the common room like this.

Almost automatically, I found myself standing in front of that one wall on the seventh floor again. I didn't know why or how, but I felt drawn to this place; I had felt safe there once before.