Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 7

The end of January was windy and cold, so I didn't really mind spending almost the whole week in the library.

Inbetween Prefect meetings, patrols (where I actually had to switch partners on a regular basis, ugh), Quidditch training and classes, I practically spent all of my time in the library, trying to get as much information about the Homunculus charm as possible.
I actually studied more than for any other exam, ever. Probably because I had so many more reasons to study:

1: The charm was actually really interesting.

2: I didn't want to let the marauders down.

3: I didn't want to fail and embarrass myself (pretty similar to reason 2, but bare with me).

4: I was a proud girl. I basically identified with my grades, even though I know I shouldn't, because they proved to me that there were things I was good at. Those grades would mean nothing if I failed. I would dissapoint myself very much if I couldn't do it.

To conclude, I really, really, really wanted that charm to be a success. My ambitious side was showing.

So I read one book after the other, practicing wand movements, informing myself about the mental state I had to be in while casting the charm and practicing the right pronunciation of the spell.

When the day of the meeting arrived, I didn't know if I was ready, but at least I was prepared.

I arrived a little early, this time it was to mentally prepare myself for the big moment.
Following Remus' example, I pushed my shoulder to the wall and stepped back. The improvised door appeared and I entered. Wasting no time, I headed straight towards the table and chairs, only to sit down in front of them and on the floor, cross-legged.

I breathed out and closed my eyes. I had to clear my mind of all emotions and thoughts first. Then I could continue with step two, but that would only really make sense to do when the marauders where here as well.
My breathing got even and I relaxed.

A crack made me open my eyes, only to see the marauders enter.

"Great, you're here already," Sirius acknowledged. He didn't even look surprised by the fact that I was sitting on the floor, looking as if I was meditating.
In fact, none of them did. They just sat down in front of me, cross-legged and on the floor, so that we formed a circle.

Remus pulled out the already activated map and laid it down in our centre, right in front of me. "I suppose you're concentrating already, so we won't talk. We'll just wait, and you can take your time and do your thing."

I nodded slightly, not wanting to distract myself too much.

I closed my eyes again, getting back to the thoughtless and emotionless state I had been in earlier. On to phase two. I tried to feel the life inside of Hogwarts. There were so many students and ghosts roaming the castle, all of them were a part of the castle. I made myself aware of the marauders sitting close to me, of me, of the teachers, students and ghosts, all walking around in that very same moment.
Opening my eyes, I raised my wand. "Homunculus."

Nothing happened. My shoulders slumped down in dissapointment. It didn't work. I had failed.

"I'm really sorry-," I began, but Sirius interrupted me by putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Don't stress yourself. Many spells need more than one try to be a success. Just try it again, and take your time. Don't stress."

I didn't feel like arguing, and there wasn't a point to argue on either, so I just nodded. Sirius' hand let go of me.

Again, I cleared my head. Again, I made myself aware of everyone at Hogwarts. This time, however, I took my time. Much longer. I didn't stress, since there was no need to.
I waited till something inside me clicked, until something just felt right. And to my surprise, that feeling actually came. It felt as if I actually felt everyone at the castle. I didn't need to open my eyes to know where everyone was.
Without opening my eyes, I projected that feeling onto the map. "Homunculus!"

Gasps made me open my eyes. I was greeted by four ecstatic and super excited faces. James jumped up, shouting "YES!", whereas Peter clapped, Remus grinned and Sirius grabbed my shoulders, shaking me and looking me dead in the eye. "You did it! You actually did it!"

Strangely enough, it only dawned on me now. Very slowly. "I- Wait. Oh Merlin. I... I did it! I really did it!"

I was so relieved that I didn't make a fool of myself, and I was really proud of myself for managing such an advanced charm. The happiness about the situation got more with every second that passed.
I probably wouldn't have felt confident enough to act the way I did if I hadn't been so ecstatic about the situation.
It was a huge moment for me, okay!

I shrieked out of happiness, let my wand fall and grabbed Sirius' shoulders with both of my hands. We were now basically shaking each other out of pure excitement and joy. I knew that I would totally always die from embarrassment whenever I would think back to this moment in the future, but at the moment, I really didn't care.

After nearly giving Sirius whiplash, I let go and finally eyed the map.

Sure enough, there were several moving spots, all with name tags attached to them.

I looked at the fifth floor. There, in that small secret room behind the carpet, five spots were closely located next to each another. Although the name tags were overlapping a little, I could make out the names:
James Potter, Sirius Black, Freya Tygris, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

This was so cool.

Now Remus reached over to hug me, and I gladly hugged him back, only blushing a little bit. "Thank you so much, Freya!"

My grin widened, if that was even possible. "My pleasure."

Another person joined the hug, and the fluffy and messy hair tickling my nose let me know that it was James.
Since he had decided to turn this into a group hug, Sirius and Peter joined soon, too.

Our chuckles died down and James let out a content sigh. "More than half a year of work and we're finally done now. I can't believe it, this is great! I haven't felt this happy and proud since the moment we finally became-"

There was the sound of a whack. "Shh, James." I heard Remus complain. "Let's just enjoy this moment, will you?"

To my disappointment, James actually shut up. Man, I'd gotten curious as of what their other big achievement was.
Well, I had to deal with the fact that they were the marauders, and the marauders had secrets. I was honored enough to be included in one, so I was happy.

Sirius let go first and ended this (slowly getting awkward) group hug.
He smiled at me.
"In the name of the marauders: Thank you so much. You've really helped us."

James nodded so hard I feared his head might fall off. "This map is your baby now, too. If you want to, you can borrow it in emergencies?"

That sounded useful, so of course I nodded. "Great, thank you."

Remus picked up the map and held it towards me. "Since you have been the key to this operation's success, it is only fair that you close the map, and with it, the operation." He winked, still grinning. "You know the words."

I actually did know the words, since they had also shown me the trick to hide the map's content last week.

So I picked up my wand, still not able to stop grinning like crazy.
It felt great to have been part of one of the marauders' little missions. To be included in one of their secrets.

I used my wand to tap the parchment.  "Mischief managed."

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Byeee