Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 16

"Did you know that Regulus has asked me about you?" Anna threw another rock into the black lake.

My eyes almost fell out of my head as I turned to face her. "Pardon me?"

Without looking at me, Anna nodded. "He walked up to me in the common room."

"Well?" I was getting impatient and forgot about all the little rocks in my hand. "What did he say? Did he want anything? Spill, girl!"

She threw another rock. "How you were recovering, I think. Rude, considering that he'd witnessed how Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let me in to see you, because all of the others - including him - filled the maximum capacity of the hospital wing. And he wanted to know how I met you, and for how long we've known each other."

I didn't think I'd ever been so confused in my entire life. "Huh? Why did he ask that?"

Anna finally looked at me. "I thought you knew."

"I know nothing, just that he caught me after the match."

"Hmm. He also asked me whether I knew anything about your relationship with Sirius."

I even blushed when I only heard his name. Damn. "What?"
I'd thought they didn't get along? Why was Regulus interested in Sirius' life, all of a sudden?

"Yup. And when I realised that I couldn't give him an answer to that, I decided that it was time we had a talk. What's going on?"

I sighed and flopped down on the grass. Then I remembered that it was wet because it had rained earlier that day. Crap. Well, it was too late now anyways, so I could just keep sitting here.
"I've talked to Remus a lot, and I've met the rest of the marauders through him. Something with Sirius just.... Clicked, I think."

Anna gave me a curious look. "Did it click or did it... You know, click?"

I tried my hardest not to blush even more. "We're just great friends!" I insisted, even though I wished for so much more than that.

Why didn't I tell Anna about my crush, you might ask? Well. You know how 'but don't tell anyone' worked at Hogwarts. Everyone would know, but noone has ever said anything.
I trusted her, but Anna just had too many friends where something could slip, and I didn't want to risk it.

Also, I was way too embarrassed. Something in my mind had never allowed me to think that it maybe wouldn't be that embarrassing if I had a crush. And it was Sirius Black I was talking about.
I was scared that she might laugh, although I knew that she wouldn't.
Still.
All logic left my brain when it came to Sirius and this stupid crush of mine.

"Okay," Anna said, shrugging. Phew, I didn't think she'd believe me, but I was relieved, of course. That meant that my crush wasn't as obvious as I feared and thought it was.

Anna returned to throwing stones as far as she could. "Ha! That one was a new record!"

I was torn out of my daze. "Hmm?"

"See that tree over there?" Anna pointed to a tree pretty far away. "That's where the stone landed! It's your turn. Try to beat that, Tygris. I challenge you!"

Oh Merlin, flashbacks. I blushed whenever I thought of that almost-kiss with Sirius. Which was pretty often, sadly. Everything reminded me of the incident I just wanted to forget. It reminded me of what could have been, and then I felt a yearning tug in my belly.
Because I couldn't give in.
I just didn't have the guts to tell him my feelings to his eyes.

But I had to, if I wanted him to be with me. So I guess.... I'd never be with him at all, and that thought, inevitable as it was, pained me more than anything imaginable.