Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 23

I felt nauseous again. Poor Remus! Of course he was shy and didn't have a lot of friends; he was scared that people would find out the truth, and he was scared that they'd leave.

A memory of my first real conversation with him flashed up in my head.
'You know I don't bite, right?'
Now I knew why he'd flinched after saying that!
And why he'd been so sad after talking about monsters. So that's what he thought of himself? That he was a monster?
No! Remus was one of the kindest persons I'd ever met! He was ill that was all! And it didn't change the fact that he was an amazing person!

I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Why was it always the best people that had the worst luck? Remus didn't deserve that, noone did!

Despite all the puzzle pieces finally fitting together, the solution ony made me have more questions.

Since when?! I couldn't remember him not having scars or not being ill so often. The thought that he'd gotten bitten when he had been younger than eleven years old made me feel even more horrible.

And how did he manage to transform unnoticed and safe? Where did he go?

And who knew? The teachers, of course, but what about other students? The Gryffindors? The Gryffindors in his year? Noone?
But I was absolutely sure that Peter, Sirius and James knew. They were Remus' best mates and would notice him dissappear once a month. The marauders were too smart to not connect the dots.

And how did Remus' transformations go? It had to be horribly painful, no wonder he always was exhausted around the full moon.

Oh Merlin, I couldn't believe it.

When the lesson was over, I packed up my bag as if in a trance. I could think of nothing else-

"Where were you?" I was snapped out of my thoughts. Sirius was standing next to me, blocking my way to the door. Aleya, Lina and Valerie threw a look at me and went away, not waiting for me. Thanks a lot, girls.

"I didn't see you at breakfast," Sirius continued with a slightly worried expression, and I involuntarily smiled. He'd looked for me. Man, I would've been able to barf a rainbow, that's how crazy my stomach felt, as if on a roller-coaster. Add the fuzzy feeling in my chest, and I almost felt nauseous because of joy.
Damn.

When Sirius' expression turned confused because I didn't answer, my smile widened into a full on grin.
Sirius fought a smile, but soon he was grinning as well. "What?" He chuckled, though still a little confused.

I shook my head and walked past him toward the exit, him following me. "Nothing," I grinned.
Sirius had caught up with me now, and we were walking next to one another, on our way to Care of Magical Creatures. "You didn't answer my first question, though?"

I blushed again at the thought of the reason for my visit to the Hospital wing. "Oh, it was nothing, really," I tried to act it cool with a fake cheerful voice. "I went to the Hospital wing over night because of circulation problems."

"Oh, okay," Sirius nodded. "So you're feeling better now, right?"

I looked at him. Sirius Black was walking me to our next lesson, after being concerned or at least confused when I'd been missing at breakfast. He was smiling at me, his grey eyes sparkling and a stray strand of jet black hair was loosely hanging in front of his forehead. I felt all warm and fuzzy knowing that he had genuinely worried about me, and that he was actually my friend. Best friend. How far I'd come to end up here, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sirius was there for me; I could always count on him.

My blush and smile intensified. "Yes. I'm feeling great, actually."

His fist bumped against my shoulder. "I'm glad to hear that. So, are you up for our Astronomy lesson on Saturday?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. "It's Monday, Sirius. Saturday won't come for another five days, why are you bringing that up already?"

He shrugged defensively. "Hey, you can't blame a man for asking. I'm just looking forward to it, that's all."

My grin returned, and the butterflies, too. I was looking forward to it too, if I was completely honest. "Yes, I'll be there."

He smiled at me, nodding happily.

"So, how were your holidays?" I attempted some smalltalk.
We hadn't really gotten to talk much, yesterday. I'd just summarised my holidays to him, before we'd been separated at dinner, and Aleya, Lina and Valerie had dragged me straight to the common room after that.

"Great," Sirius beamed when we left the castle and were on the open grounds, walking toward the edge of the forbidden forest. His cheeks were flushed, and I almost couldn't focus on anything else. It looked way too cute, but still handsome. "James and I have pranked everyone very successfully on April fools day, it was hilarious! Lily and Marlene had also stayed in the castle, which was really nice. And I've slept in and eaten a lot and didn't do my homework; it was a paradise!"

I laughed at his definition of paradise. It was pretty similar to mine, when one replaced the pranking with reading. I'd only have too much anxiety to not do my homework, I wouldn' t have been able to relax when I purposefully ignored them.
The Ravenclaw in me, I suppose.
"Glad to hear that."

By now, we had joined the rest of the class for the lesson. Professor Kettleburn was already there, waiting for the rest of the students. But since Sirius and I had been the last, he started the lesson as soon as Sirius smiled at me as a goodbye and I joined Aleya and Valerie, whereas Sirius left to stand next to Remus.

Holy Bludger, Remus!!!
How on earth had Sirius managed to distract me so much!?
I mentally facepalmed myself.

And then my mind started to spin again. What should I do?

After thinking about it throughout Care of Magical Creatures and History of Magic, I made a decision.

I would let it go.
If Remus had wanted to trust me with his secret, he would have. I didn't want to confront him or anything, since it really wasn't my business.
I didn't know how Remus would react to me knowing about him, and I didn't want to make him upset, scared or run away.

And it was enough for me to know about him, I didn't have to worry him.

Also, that would spare me from having an awkward talk with my friend.

So, yeah, I wouldn't confront him or anything similar, Remus would probably be scared when he found out that I'd managed to figure it out - but he didn't have to. The secret was very well hidden. I'd only figured it out because of coincidences.

Buuut, all of this didn't help my curiosity, so I had to find my answers without asking Remus. And I already had a plan.

As always, thanks for reading!

Stay happy!
Xoxo, your fangirl