Something Is Missing | Ronnie Radke

Chapter 2- Break Down

When I got home, I couldn't help but think of Ronnie. I put my guitar down, threw my bag to the floor and crashed down on my couch.

Tears instantly fell from my eyes as I let out all of my emotions of the last month. Each day without Ronnie was getting harder. And to know he wasn't doing well made my heart break.

Part of me hates myself because I played part in doing that to him. I made both of us unhappy. So unhappy. While my career was off to a somewhat great start, getting to know Dierks, being in the hands of some great people, and making my first album, I couldn't help but hurt under the surface.

The other part of me felt so good. I was finally making a name for myself. It was nice. I was starting to have more friends. Dierks and I were good friends already. He even introduced me to Cole Swindell who had already helped me work on some new songs.

I pulled at my hair as I thought more about Ronnie. I felt terrible that he wasn't doing well, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to truly think he did it to himself. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so mad.

"Ronnie," I mumbled as I shook my head. "I am so sorry."

My phone lit up from its spot on the couch. "Would you like to send the message?" Siri's voice asked.

I pulled my hands from my hair and looked over at my phone— she wanted to send what I'd just said to Ronnie.

Without thinking, I hit the send button. There was no way that he would respond anyway. He probably hated me for making him so miserable.

I put my phone down and let out a sigh. I was an idiot for way too many reasons.

Suddenly, I felt like I hit a brick wall, not caring about my actions. It was certainly time for bed.

When my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

***

When I woke up, I sat up and looked around my room and paused as I saw the clock— 9:38. I needed to be at the studio by 10!

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as I tore myself out of bed.

I ran around my apartment, finding a new set of clothes, putting dry shampoo in my hair, and brushing it out.

Once I looked mostly decent, I grabbed my phone, stuffed it in my pocket, then pushed my way out of my apartment.

The entire way to the studio, I practically ran. There was no way I could be late. We only had a small time slot at the studio.

As I pushed my way into the building, I quickly waved at the receptionist. "Good morning Suzy! I'll talk to you on my way out!"

She giggled at me. "Okay, Jen! But if I were you I'd make sure your jeans are zipped up," she called as I continued down the hall.

As I continued walking I looked down and gasped. I quickly pulled the zipper up and let out a frustrated sigh. What a cluster fuck of a morning.

Once I pushed my way into the studio, I looked down at my watch to see that I was only a minute late. "I am so sorry!" I exclaimed as I looked at Cole and Kent. "I never meant to be late! My alarm didn't go off."

Cole chuckled. "It's all good," he said. "You wanna complain about being late? Or continue that kick ass song you talked about yesterday?"

I giggled as I sat down and pulled out my songwriting notebook. I had begun the song, but couldn't figure out what it was missing the day before. "Yeah," I mumbled. "The words began to flow on to the paper, but a few didn't feel like they were clicking. And I also have no clue about a melody."

"Alright," Kent said as he pulled the notebook toward him and Cole. "Let's have a look at it."

They two of them read it over, both tilting their heads as they soaked it in.

"Okay... So... This is great," Cole said as he looked up with a smile. "The amount of emotion you bring in is great. However, do you think instead of it being 'I'm not missing you' or 'I'm not', it could be better if you use 'ain't'? It could make it a bit more catchy." 

He looked over to Kent who nodded with a big smile on his face. "Yes, Cole! That works out well. What do you think, Jen?"

I tilted my head and thought it through with an unestablished melody in my head.

"I ain't missing you at all. Since you've been gone away I ain't missing you. No matter what I might say," I sang.

"Yes! You've got it! Jen, this is great," Cole exclaimed with a big smile. "Why don't we work off of that melody?!"

And so we worked on a melody. I ended up loving what we did. Despite the song being about my recent struggles with Ronnie, I was some way, somehow able to actually get my mind off of him for a bit.

After we finished with what we thought would be solid, we decided to work and talk about more fundamentals of songwriting and how to work through difficult spots in a song— sometimes you need to try different techniques to help writers block.

As we finished up, we all hugged and the guys left. After they'd gone, I sat there thinking of ways I could possibly better the song— but I couldn't. I actually loved it the way it was.

Now that I was alone, I could hear a vibrating in my purse. I decided to ignore it the first couple of times, but once it didn't stop, I pushed myself up from the table and shuffled over to my purse to turn my phone off.

I picked the phone up, and glanced at the phone. My breath was caught in my throat; I damn near couldn't breathe.

Ronnie.

Why was Ronnie texting me all of the sudden? My heart was pounding as I stood there, frozen, staring down at my phone. The night prior popped into my head— Oh shit, I was the one that texted him.

Suddenly, I felt like I needed to throw up. There was no way that this was happening. He had to hate me— he couldn't be reaching out to me.

I stared down at my phone, eyeing everything that was there— multiple missed phone calls and voice messages, but what caught my eye was the last notification.

Ronnie
You're not answering. I'm coming to Nashville.