Something Is Missing | Ronnie Radke

Chapter 20- On The Coldest Day

A thick fog hovered over my head as I finally came to. There was a dull pain throughout my entire body.

I brought a hand up and rubbed my face, trying to collect my surroundings. As everything came into focus, I realized there was a hand holding my other hand.

It was Ronnie. He was sitting in a chair and holding my hand, but leaned forward with his head against the bed— fast asleep. That was when I noticed dried tear streaks on his cheeks.

My eyes shot wide open. The baby. Where the hell is the baby!?

I squeezed Ronnie's hand tightly. "R-Ronnie," I managed to get out. My voice was rough thanks to a dry throat. "Ronnie!"

It took a few seconds, but after a bit more coaxing, his eyes fluttered open. He let out a sigh before sitting up. "Mmm..." His hand pulled from mine as he rubbed his eyes.

He looked at me. "Morning, Jenny," he said. That was when he stiffened and looked at me with wide eyes. "You're awake! Oh my goodness Jenny! You're okay! How are you feeling?! Are you okay? I'll call the nurse."

I winced at the loudness of his voice. "Please don't scream," I mumbled. I ran a hand down my face, then looked back at him. "What happened!? Where's the baby?"

Ronnie moved back to the chair, collapsing in it as he grabbed my right hand with both of his. "He's fine. He's totally fine. He's just in the nursery," he said. His dark eyes looked back at me, and it was clear that he was going to cry. "He's so beautiful, Jenny... But... I thought we were gonna lose you."

"What do you mean!? I'm fine. Now where is the baby?" I squeezed his hand back, but looked at him in disapproval knowing that I felt completely fine.

"Baby," Ronnie mumbled as he looked up and met my eyes, "you almost bled to death. You had some pretty big tears."

I could feel the blood drain from my face as I looked at him. "What?"

Tears began to fall from his eyes as his tattooed hands brought my hand up to his mouth as he kissed it. "I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered against my hand.

"I love you," I whispered as I pulled my hand from his and cupped his cheek. As his dark brown eyes looked back at me, I could truly see how tired he looked. There were bags under his eyes and he just looked overall exhausted.

"I love you, too, baby. I'm going to go get a nurse. Then they can bring him in. They didn't want you to be too stressed," he informed. "I'll be right back." He stood up and leaned down to press a kiss on my forehead.

As he shuffled out, I couldn't help but sit there and think about how I truly felt— both physically and mentally.

Mentally, I was tired. So, so, so tired. But I was also extremely excited. I couldn't wait to see my baby. I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms. Hell, I couldn't wait to see him in Ronnie's arms. I already knew I was going to melt the minute that I saw that.

As I sat there, I began to realize how I physically felt. The dull pain that I had felt when I woke up was only beginning to get worse. I would certainly be needing some type of pain meds, because it was certainly something that wouldn't be bearable if it kept kicking up the way that it was.

I was pulled from my thoughts as Ronnie came walking through the door with a nurse and a doctor right behind him. The nurse began reading my levels to the doctor, who wrote them down as she began to explain what had happened.

"Hi Jenny, I'm glad you're finally awake. You're lucky to be alive. You lost quite a bit of blood during delivery," she informed. "How are you feeling? We had to stitch you up a bit."

"I'm in pain," I replied with a small shrug. "It's kicked up since I've woken up. Thank you for saving my life."

She smiled. "We can get you some meds for that. I'm glad you're feeling okay, though. Your baby boy will be so happy to meet you," she told me. "We will be bringing him right in as long as you're up for it."

I nodded as Ronnie sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. "Yeah," I replied. "I'm ready. I wanna see him."

"We will get him right in. We will also get you some water, Gatorade, and meds," she said. "Nurse Paula will be right in with your son."

The two shuffled out and I looked at Ronnie. "I'm so excited," I told him with a big smile. "Does he look like you or me?! I hope he looks like you."

Ronnie playfully shrugged as he grabbed my hand. "You'll have to wait and see, babe," he said. He had the biggest smile on his face.

He moved so he could lean in toward me. Our foreheads rested against each other's as he brushed some hair from my face. "I'm so glad you're okay," he said, then pressed his lips to mine.

I melted. I suddenly felt so relaxed, like I was exactly where I belonged.

We pulled away as the door opened and a bassinet was rolled into the room. "And here is your baby boy! Baby Radke born December 15th at 11:58 PM," the nurse informed as she rolled him up to Ronnie and me. "I'll be back in a few with your meds."

Normally I would've said thank you, but I was mesmerized by the sleeping baby in front of me. Ronnie stood from his spot and leaned down to pick up the blue swaddle.

He was so gentle with the baby, just how I'd imagined. "Hi baby boy, are you ready to meet your mama? I know you are. Here she is," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the baby's nose.

Ronnie leaned down, carefully putting the bundle into my arms. A big smile took over my face as I looked down at him. "He definitely has your nose," I mumbled.

"Hi baby boy..." As if on cue, his eyes opened, dark blue eyes were looking back up at me. "I'm your mommy. Welcome to the world... We're so glad to have you here."

He opened his mouth a bit, just looking up at me in awe. "You decided to make your birthday the same day as Daddy's huh? I'm not surprised," I said. I continued to look down at him as Ronnie moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "It should be national stubborn men day."

"He is so goddamn cute, Jenny," Ronnie said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "I didn't think I could love anyone so much."

I nodded as I leaned my head against his shoulder. "It's a whole different kind of love," I agreed. "I can't believe he's already here."

Ronnie chuckled. "Hell after the day we had yesterday, I can't believe you're both here right now," he murmured. "I'm so glad you're here. That he's here. That you're both okay."

I tilted my head, studying the baby a bit more. "Ronnie? Do you think the name we picked fits him? Cuz I don't think so."

Ronnie brought his hand up and rubbed his thumb on the baby's soft cheek. "I don't know. Why? What do you have in mind?"

"I know we picked Colton Russell Radke... but... I think he looks like a Remington," I mumbled. "Remmie for short."

"Remmie is great, baby," he replied. "I guess we're sticking with the RR, huh?"

I smiled and nodded. "I think we are."