Something Is Missing | Ronnie Radke

Chapter 11- Pick Up The Phone

Tears pulled down my cheeks as I crashed onto the couch. This was the first time I'd been alone since finding out I was pregnant. All I could do was think about the repercussions of any of the scenarios that ran through my head.

My first option was the easy one— abort it. But there was no way I could do that. While I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore, I would certainly carry that guilt for the rest of my life. Whether I liked it or not, what was growing in me was a human and I couldn't bring myself to follow through with an abortion.

My second option was following through with the whole pregnancy and raising the baby. While this was an okay route, it meant that I would have to tell Ronnie. And knowing how he felt about his mother, and what he's told me, he would most definitely want to be a part of the baby's life— and rightfully so... But that would mean I would have to see him, and I wasn't sure I could deal with that. Plus, I'd have to worry about taking care of a child while working on my career. It would be doable, but it would be extremely hard.

My last option was finding a family who would want to adopt the baby. This, quite honestly, seemed to be the best option for me. Not only would it mean that I wouldn't be aborting the baby, but it also meant that I could give my child the best life possible— one with a loving family in a single household rather than a broken household. The only thing that scared me about this option was Ronnie. He would probably flip out. And on top of that he would probably throw a fit about putting the baby up for adoption.

This was all so scary. I didn't want to go through it alone. I knew I had Dierks and Cassidy, and probably Cole... But it still bothered me that I wouldn't have someone there with me going through the same thing I was— that I wouldn't have Ronnie there.

At this point, in fact, he was probably back in LA completely hating me and living his best life. And because he hated me, he probably wouldn't want anything to do with the pregnancy and only want to be there for the end result.

My heart broke. I really would go through it alone. No matter what I did I was going to be alone. Ronnie wouldn't be there.

As I sat there millions of things were going through my mind. And the question still remained— what was I going to do?

***

The rest of the night slowly dragged by, and I was still completely alone. No one had texted me or called me for hours, and it was driving me nuts. Despite telling Ronnie I didn't want to see him again and that we were done, all I wanted was for him to call me.

After our first break up, he continued to text me for a few days after I left. This time I hadn't heard a damn thing, and that hurt.

I knew I still loved him. That was what made it hurt so bad. I didn't know if it was me, or the baby and the hormones, but I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms.

His arms were a safe haven that I would never be able to be in again. And that reality hit me hard. But I'd done it to myself.

As I began to let my mind wander, I couldn't help but think about what life could be like if we never broke up— If I wasn't so stubborn and he wasn't so persistent to get me to be with his label...

"Here ya go baby girl," I said as I sat on the floor rolling a toy back and forth between me and our daughter. She had to be about nine months.

And holy fuck. She was certainly Ronnie's daughter. She had the same dark eyes as him and her hair was just like his. She was a spitting image.

She picked the ball up and looked at it before tossing it the two feet back to me. I giggled as I grabbed it, ready to pass it back to her. Just before I could, she looked at me with big eyes, reaching over to grab the edge of the couch.

Just as I moved to grab her, thinking she could get hurt, Ronnie came shuffling in. "Hey baby, where di-..." he stopped dead in his tracks as he watched what I was watching.

"Is she?" He asked as he moved in closer. She just got onto her feet as Ronnie squatted next to me.

"I think so." My voice was barely there as she looked at the two of us with wide eyes.

She continued to hold onto the couch as she took a step. This was happening. Oh my goodness. She stopped for a second, looking from Ronnie, to me, and back to Ronnie before taking another step.

"Come here baby girl," Ronnie coaxed her. "You can do it!" I could hear the smile in his voice.

She took a few more steps, still holding onto the couch, as I held my hands out. A giggle left her mouth as she finally got to me and fell into my arms.

"Aw! Way to go, Baby girl!" I said as I held her close.

Ronnie moved over, wrapping the two of us in his arms. "That was so good, Nora! You did it! Your first steps! Babe, she took her first steps!" Ronnie exclaimed as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then smashed his lips into mine. "That's our baby girl!"

I smiled up at him and nodded. "Yeah, she is!"

My heart warmed as I imagined him with a child. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be the best parent possible.

That was when I came to the realization about my situation. It wasn't completely my decision to make. Ronnie would have to have a say in it no matter what.

Tears began to fall from my eyes again as I thought about Ronnie and needing to talk to him. I placed my hand over my stomach and shook my head. This had to be done. And sooner rather than later. I wanted to know what I was doing.

I pulled my phone out and dialed his number. After a few seconds it went to voicemail. There was no way in hell I was going to leave a voicemail.

I called again. And this time there was finally an answer.

"What?" His voice asked on the other end, clearly not happy.

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