Something Is Missing | Ronnie Radke

Chapter 10- Better Off

"What do I even do!?" I exclaimed. "There's no way I can get rid of it... Especially after seeing it." I leaned my head against the window and let my eyes close. "It's an actual human, Cass!"

"Then have the baby and put it up for adoption," Cassidy offered. "I'm sure you could find a good, loving family for it."

I shook my head. "Okay fine. I carry the baby to term, but what about when I'm seen in public? Ronnie would probably see! And on top of that, wouldn't it look bad for the tour!?"

Cassidy pulled over and looked over at me, grabbing my hand. "Jen, it won't ruin your career," she reassured. "Whether you keep it or you put it up for adoption, it wouldn't stop your career."

"Ronnie will find out," I said. "He will have a fucking fit! I mean I've broken up with him twice now while being pregnant! Any man would be upset with that!"

"You know what? You're not showing yet. You have time to think about it. And I'm sure we can talk to Dierks about a way to handle gigs and getting ready for the tour. At this point you'd have about five months between having the baby and tour," she informed, ignoring my concerns.

I let out a sigh, completely ignoring what she said about the tour. "I'm gonna have to tell Ronnie," I said. "I know I'm going to have to. He will end up finding out from someone who isn't me. I just... I don't want to face him."

Cassidy squeezed my hand as she shook her head. "You're not alone. Both me and Dierks, and I'm sure Cole as well, will be there to help you. Whatever happens we will be by your side. I promise you," she comforted. "We will help you."

"Thank you," I mumbled with a nod. "I appreciate it. I do. I'm just freaking out right now."

"We will get it all figured out, Jen. Now stop stressing! It's not good for the baby!"

A few tears pulled from my eyes as I nodded. "I'm sorry. I just hope I can figure something out."

** Ronnie's POV **

My eyes snapped open as my front door opened and then closed. The sound of footsteps came closer as I stayed on the couch.

I was sick of people coming to check up on me. All I needed was time to get back in the swing of things... Hopefully.

In the week since Jen had stormed out of the hotel room, I got home and didn't do a damn thing. The four rooms I'd been to in the week were my bedroom, the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom.

I refused to go outside. I didn't deserve to enjoy the joys of life. All I could think about was how bad of a person I was.

Despite talking up Brett, I wasn't going to attempt to get her to move. She was clearly happy with who she was working with. All I wanted to do was use it as an excuse to spend another week with her— which I'd do anything to have that happen.

Had I known that Jenny was awake, I would've instantly hung up the phone and told her she didn't have to move— I would've told the truth that I wanted to spend time with her.

It still broke my heart. I'd gone out to Nashville because she wasn't happy... And well, I wasn't either... We need each other.

Now it was just going to be twice as bad for the both of us. The heavy feeling hovering over me and sitting on my chest was beginning to be too much, but I couldn't find my way out of it.

"Ronnie!?" Derek's voice called as he walked through the house, quickly approaching me. "Dude. You need to get outta the house!"

I rolled my eyes as I closed my eyes again, crossing my arms over my chest. "Why? Jenny hates me. I'm an idiot," I mumbled. "If the one person that I love more than anything can't love me back because I keep fucking it up, then what the fuck should I do?"

"I don't know, look at the bright side of things?" Derek shot back. "I mean you no longer have someone tying you down. You can do what you'd like when you'd like. You don't have to worry about telling someone when you'll be home or where you are..."

"I didn't have to do any of that anyway," I jumped in as I opened my eyes again. He was still standing over me. "And if you mean about doing any woman I want... No one is Jenny. It'll never have meaning again. I'm completely numb."

Derek let out a long sigh. "Fine dude. Then how about we at least get you outside? Enjoy some fresh air!? Have you even left the couch today?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why? I fucked it up," I told him. "I don't deserve to fucking go out there."

"Yes you do. The only way you're going to be better off is if you head out and do something! Shit man! Let's write a song! I'm sure you could put something together," Derek exclaimed. "I mean, man... This could be a big contributor to some new songs!"

I shook my head. "No," I mumbled as I ran my hands down my face. "I know what it's like to have a song written about me. And I'm not letting it happen to her."

Derek let out a sigh. "Dude, do you not want help then!? Are you just gonna sit here!? Maybe waste away and die!? I don't want to sit here and see it happen."

I rolled my eyes. "I would probably be better off," I grumbled. "I don't have Jenny anymore. The whole world is black and white again."

"Fine then," Derek said as he shook his head. "Then I guess you really don't care that you've missed three sessions in the studio now? That the band is just sitting around and waiting for you? Or that the fans will be disappointed in the fact that there's no new music!?"

He knew I hated disappointing the fans. It was always my biggest downfall, because I'd put the fans in front of myself more often than not. And this was a time it needed to happen.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked back up at him with an unpleased look. A grin made its way to his face, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Come on, man... Let's get out!"

As I pushed myself up, I couldn't help but wonder what Jenny was doing. Probably something great— she was thriving in Nashville, even before I went to see her.