Whirlwind | W.M.

17

Krasnoyarsk, Russia
2008

Invincibility, immortality and power are all lies. They're blinding lights that strike your eyes, shielding all the bloodshed, all the pain and sacrifice that it comes with. I never wanted any of it, I never wanted to be on top of the world, to watch a sea of people bow down to me. I only ever wanted to live, to truly, honestly, in the most sincere sense of the word, live.

I wanted to go to school, to care about the most mundane things like grades and dances and crushes, to spend night filling in college applications, to move away and find somebody and settle down and maybe even have a family. I reckon i'd have been a good mother, because I knew what a bad one was and I never wanted to be anything like it.

I only ever wanted to live a life that ends.

I know a lot of people are scared of dying, that millions are spent and mountains are climbed just to prevent it, to keep it at bay. But there's beauty in endings, because it gives meaning to the journey. A bittersweet notion that all you have, at this very moment, deserves to be cherished because someday it won't be there anymore. It makes every kiss, every hug, every opportunity, every meeting, every person a million times more meaningful— solely because time is fleeting, always running out and never stopping.

Without endings, the shiniest of stars turn bleak, the heaviest of diamonds become worthless, even the brightest ray of the sun seems dim compared to the millions of others that will come. It exhausts, it tires, it desaturizes even the most vibrant of colors and steals away any and every chance to feel what beauty is worth.

Without endings, beginnings mean nothing.

"Again!" Her sharp voice bounces off the walls, the cold cement ground almost taunting my palms as I hunched over a puddle of sweat and blood.

I could feel every bone in my body coming back together, every cut and wound melting back. The air was thick, and my lungs were tired, heaving as tears riddled my eyes. I didn't want this, I didn't want any of it. Sure, the damages never last but the pain was just as real, just as lingering.

"I can't." I stammer between pained breaths, my knees aching against the cold ground as I feel another jolt of electricity travel through my body.

I tense up immediately, screaming in pain as the heat traces through my veins. My teeth were grinded against each other so harshly, I thought it would break as I fall to the ground, convulsing without any control of my body. It was like my brain was screaming, but nobody could hear but me.

"Again!" She demands, seething as the shocks begin to die down. The blinding lights above were swinging, dousing my sweat covered body in illumination as I scramble to get up despite the exhaustion.

I ball my hands up into fists, resuming the stance I was taught as my opponent circles me. I didn't know her, but i'd see her around the facility. She'd always have the same stone cold expression on her face, not once showing any emotion, even when she was snapping necks of trainees who were deemed 'too weak' to continue. She fights to the death, I hear— which was ironic because I couldn't die. We've been in that room for over six hours and she takes me down every time. I've been beaten, shot, stabbed, burned and yet it wouldn't end.

It never ends.

She lunges at me with the same ferocity  and I step aside, dodging her by a hair and landing a solid punch to her jaw. She doesn't even stumble back, she doesn't even move. It was like she didn't feel it at all. In one swift motion, she spins around and knocks me down with a sweeping kick, instantly climbing on top of me and landing punches to my face. I can hear my bones cracking under the impact, so I lift my arms up to try and block them.