Whirlwind | W.M.

34

I've always wanted to die.

I've always begged to. Countless nights I've spent, screaming up at the sky to give me a choice, to let me go. All the tears I've cried, all the hope that has been drained out of me over and over again, it was all beyond exhausting. But I guess it's true, isn't it? We crave most what we can't have. Those who live crave time, immortality, power, happiness. Life is structured that way, to always make you want more, maybe its curiosity or just the feeling of acquisition. It's almost like a drug.

But you never know exactly what you're asking for until you have it. I've seen many spend their years in search of power, and yet when they've got the crown the loneliness eats them up. There is nothing in the world that can be gained without sacrifice, without loss, maybe if you're lucky you come out of it without a smear of blood on your hands but if you're like me, well, you might as well be covered in it.

I told myself I was ready. I've pounded it into my head, from the moment I've grasped the truth in the compound I knew there was only one way to end all of this. I've had quite a bit of time to come to terms with my end, a bit of time to fully understand what I've chosen to walk into. Not a single second was spent in hope that I'd walk out of this alive and yet, as I was the needle puncture into my skin, it's almost like all of my comprehension was crushed. Vanished, like a blip in thin air.

I just watch Estelle set up the IV line, it was like I was a child. Scared, terrified out of my mind but I had half a brain to keep it to myself. I kept wondering about how it would feel, if it was merely just like going to sleep or if it would feel just like the dagger. I wondered if every inch of me would burn in agony, if it would be slow, if everything my body had been through would catch up to me. What a sick thought, but fear twists us in ways we can't control.

"Where's Lara?" I ask, it's been a while since my sister was called out of the room, leaving only Estelle to tend to me, much to her irritation.

"Conversing with mommy." She mocks, a smirk on her lips that I craved to punch off.

"Have you been working for her all this time?" I ask amidst a wince, trying to douse my anger as she purposely missed my vein just to puncture me over and over, like some sort of human pin cushion for her amusement. She was really lucky I was in shackles.

"Yes. All this time." She replies coldly, finally sticking the needle in before walking away to a cart she's put together. It looked quite menacing, with all the syringes, bags and medical tools laid out upon it.

"And does she know your little stunt in Moscow?" I ask, a brow raised as her laughter fills the air.

"Of course, she does. It was part of the mission." She wheels it over to my side, eyes meeting mine as her words hit harder than I had anticipated. I really meant nothing to Lydia, so low that she'd knowingly pimp me out for a fucking mission.

"Don't be so glum, it was fun, wasn't it? You're quite good in bed for a virgin, I'll give you that." She winks, and my stomach turns in disgust. I can't believe I ever shared myself with her, of all people. The girl who was practically leading me to my doom with utmost joy.

"You disgust me." I hiss, but she only chuckles at my words as she begins to connect a tube to the port inserted into my vein.

"You didn't seem so disgusted when you were begging me to fuck you." She fires back hastily.

"You never deserved that." I spit, the anger in my stomach boiling with every passing second that a smirk was plastered onto her face.

"Oh, and who does? Your little witch? You think she loves you? Look at you. You're a walking catastrophe, you're destined to ruin everyone you touch. If she really loved you, why wasn't she the one in the car that chased after us? Why isn't she here to save you? Even until your final moments you're still so unbearably naïve." She says lowly, dragging it out as if she were intentionally spiking the agony of her words deep into my chest. Even if they were lies, to hear them in such a devastating state was still a tough blow to take.