Whirlwind | W.M.

Letter To Wanda

Dear Wanda,

I know you're afraid and you're probably wondering where I am or what crazy idea has gotten into my head now. I'm sorry, you know i'll always be. I'm sorry for the way I left and for leaving at all but I think you always knew it would come to this, didn't you? You know me too well not to. Sometimes I fear you know me more than I know myself.

It was never your fault. I just want to make it clear. This has never been about what you could have done, or what you couldn't do because the universe knows you're everything to me. You're all the stars, the sun, the moon and the flowers that bloom. You're everything good and kind and beautiful in this shitty world and If I could, If only it were kind enough, I would have gladly spent the rest of my days adoring you.

I had to go when you couldn't stop me, because the only thing I fear more than losing you is being selfish and god, you make me want to be so selfish. Just one look and I would have turned around, I would have closed my eyes and melted into your arms even if it meant destroying everything around us but i've been selfish for too long, and I can't do that with you.

I'll still keep my promise. I'll find you in every lifetime, and we'll make the most of our love. We'll try over and over until the universe has no choice but to align for us because I love you. I never thought I would, I always thought you were just another storm, brewing to break my heart but you made me feel whole. You made me feel complete. You made the flowers bloom and the sun shine and i've never thought I could ever deserve something so beautiful. Something like you and all you are.

The world will not always understand us. I know sometimes I don't. I know there will be choices you'll have to make, that make you question if you're still good. You are. The life we lead is full of loss, full of difficulty and pain but don't, even for a second, think that it could break you. You are not who the world thinks of you, and if you start to feel like you are then think of me.

I've seen evil in its purest form, swimming in the eyes of men, of women hungry with power. It's like a stench, no matter how much you try to mask it— it will always be there but you? you're nothing but good. You are love and sunlight and the most ethereal creations the world could have conjured up. You're the love of my life. Nothing you do can change that.

I'd like to tell you that i'll see you again, to tell you that I don't know where this road leads but I don't want to lie to you. So i'll only tell you this, I love you. You have to live, to love and let yourself be loved, don't deny the world of your beautiful heart.

I will always be looking out for you, and wherever you are, if you want to feel small just think of me. I'll gladly take your hand and meet you in your dreams, we'll run through the city once more and laugh like nothing could ever be wrong. No matter what happens, I will always be yours. I will always be with you.

Also, do you remember when you asked me, that night in Natasha's apartment to let you know if I find something beautiful enough that's worth tarnishing my soul over? You told me you'd like to know if I ever found it. Well, I found it. I found her and she's the most beautiful girl i've ever gotten the chance to love.

I found you.

You will always have my heart, in this lifetime and all the others that may follow. I think you have even before, maybe I just took a little longer to realize that. You are a whirlwind, but there is no other storm i'd rather get caught up in. I love you, Wanda Maximoff. Wherever life takes us, i'll be right there waiting. I hope you can forgive me someday.

Sincerely Yours,
Lexa Kovacs