Whirlwind | W.M.

18

Its been two days.

Two days of silence, of nothing, of Martina barely even looking my way. She comes out of her room just to grab a bite, to take a shower and goes straight back. For the first night, I spent it sitting out in the hallway begging for her to talk to me— to just listen. The sun set and rose and the door never budged. I knew I hurt her, I could see it in her eyes that night. The betrayal, the pain, the disbelief all sweeping her features.

The thing about hurting someone else is that you can't heal them in your time. Even if you're truly, utterly, agonizingly sorry— even if you'd rip your heart out for them to see, what's broken is still broken. They say time heals all wounds, but I didn't have that either. It was the night before I had to go and her door was still locked and as painful as it was to even think about, I had to accept that maybe that's where our story ends.

That tomorrow, when I go— i'd be leaving her shattered even when I would crawl through fire to undo all i've caused. Maybe i'd never see her face again and i'd be reduced to another bitter memory she keeps in the back of her mind, one that cuts to the bone every time it surfaces. Regrets come with where we stood, leaving me wishing I had spent more time telling her how much she meant to me, how much her friendship meant to me.

I was back out in the hall, sitting on the cold wooden floors and leaning against her door. I stopped trying to get her to open it, to get her to talk to me but I wasn't leaving without a goodbye. I held the folded paper in my hand, lightly twirling it between my fingertips before slipping it under the crack of the door. I wrote it all, everything I wanted to say— everything I needed her to hear. I didn't know if she would even pick it up, if she'd read it or crumple it up and toss it in the bin like it was nothing.

I deserved it, anyway.

But at least by morning, I'd know I tried. Maybe it'd bring her peace, maybe it would bring me peace too. All that was left was for me to hope that someday, she'd understand and know that no matter where life takes me, she'll always be on my mind. Martina is many things, but she gave me a friendship unlike any other. She treated me like she'd treat anyone when I came here feeling like a monster, like some vile, discarded toy hidden away from a world that wanted nothing to do with me— but she didn't see that.

"Hey." Wanda hums, a sad smile placed upon her lips as she sunk down to sit by my side.

Somehow, she got Natasha to let her in on the plan— even going as far as to be the one to drive me to the hangar where a jet would be waiting. Wanda was going to spend the night, this time with Natasha's approval but when she arrived I was nothing but a wreck of guilt and agony. So she made dinner, she sat with me out in that hallway and she held my hand, even if it took hours for me to move away from the door.

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning— just before sunrise. It's up to you if you want to read it, but everything is in there. I just hope you find it in you to forgive me someday." I call out in defeat, in a last ditch effort to get her to hear me and when the familiar ring of silence greets me, my heart sinks all over again.

"You did what you could." Wanda whispers from right next to me, placing a gentle arm around my shoulder as she pulls me into her. My head was hung low, tears brimming my eyes as I melted into Wanda, resting my temple against the crook of her neck.

"I never wanted to hurt her." I softly mumble, feeling her run a gentle trace up and down my arm, trying to bring me comfort.

"I know." She sighs.

I don't realize how long we stayed there, just her holding me while tears silently traced down my cheeks. It was a mess of everything, of Martina, of what happened with her step father, of the overwhelming sense that tomorrow was going to bring. I felt like I was on the brink of insanity, taking blow after blow and running in circles just trying to survive. I had barely gotten a wink of sleep, my head was aching along with my heart and my body felt like it was about to shut down. All that kept me going was what I had to do, was getting to Lara.