CHRYSALIS

39.

July 27th, 2021.

It's almost midnight now, but once again I feel like I can't sleep until I get this part over with. He's sleeping soundly, soft little wheezes that make me smile, and here I am, dreading this stupid journal. I know what's coming and the end of the tour was painful enough, but it starts the beginning of the dark days. The scary days. The days I don't want to think about. So I'm getting this stupid memory out and then I will force myself through the rest even though I know my tears will soak these pages.

Jo.

March 31st. Moscow, Russia.

In my dream, my mind replayed the events of the night before.

The way he held my face tightly and smiled into my kisses when my hands wandered underneath his shirt to touch his warm skin.

The way he ran he laid me down on the bed as he peeled his sweatshirt off of me, held my arms above my head and made me keep them there while he ran his hands down my arms, over my breasts, to my waist, and finally my hips.

It replayed the way my body buzzed beneath him like everything was dull until I felt him again. The way I moaned as he bowed his head and pressed his lips to the spot just above my belly button, it felt like he was thanking me for something.

I remembered how it felt when he lifted my leg to his shoulder and rolled his hips into me. The sigh of relief left my body like she'd been so tired of fighting it as he kissed my bare skin and held my other leg open for him.

I thought I could dream forever about the way he thrust himself into me while his mouth hovered over mine. We were both panting, mouths hung open in pleasure, only able to brush our lips together for brief moments until another wave of intensity would hit.

I thought I could replay the way he moaned into my skin, licking and sucking small hickeys onto the base of my neck while he whispered delicious things to me and circled my clit until I came around him.

I never wanted to wake up if sleeping meant I could replay the image of him holding both my legs up to his shoulders and thrusting into me wildly until he came with his head rolled back, eyes closed, mouth open.

Unfortunately, I did wake up.

I woke up feeling warm, but not warm enough. My arm stretched across the bed and I wiggled my fingers, stretching as far as I could, but they came up empty.

Only the cold sheets and the edge of the mattress.

I sat up slowly, still half asleep. I pulled the sheets up with me because it was cold that morning. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, yawning as I pressed my palms to my eyes.

When my body relaxed and my shoulders slumped and my arms relaxed into my lap, I looked for him.

He wasn't in the room from what I could see, he wasn't in the bathroom either because the door was open and the room was dark. I couldn't hear him on the balcony either.

Then I turned to the nightstand and saw a note scribbled in blue ink on the hotel stationery.

Just stepped out to take a call. Be back to you soon, Jojo.

P.S. you drool.

xx H.

I was filled with relief knowing that he'd be back in just a few minutes, so I settled back into the bed and waited.

and waited.