I Will Follow You Into The Dark~ On Hold

Chapter 6

After the wedding of Hogun and Ásta, Asgard never saw Árni again, and life in Asgard went back to normal. It stayed that way for a few centuries with every day like the last with the exception of two days a year where Prince Loki, the God of Mischief and Lies would disappear from the palace to escape to his Sanctuary where he mourned the death of the woman whose heart had been promised to him and the woman who had managed to worm her way into his heart. No one ever knew nor asked where he escaped to on those days, as no one wanted to risk the man's wrath for daring to bring up a topic that had basically been marked as discussion taboo.

The man drew further into himself, preferring to isolate away from everyone including his brother and the merry band of idiots. It continued that way until one disastrous day. It was the day of Thor's coronation, where he was going to receive his birthright, the next Allfather of the Nine Realms, the next Odin. Frost Giants, otherwise known as Jotunn invaded the palace and attempted to steal an ancient relic, one that gave them unbelievable power. The events that followed were as disastrous as the coronation itself. Thor was banished without his powers, Loki discovered the truth behind his estrangement with his family and Odin had gone into Odinsleep, dead to the world trapped in his own mind.

Loki was shocked to find out that he wasn't Asgardian but instead he was a Frost Giant, a bastard child that was left to die in the cold before he was found by Odin. He was the monsters that parents told their children about at night. He didn't have anyone to turn to, Frigga stayed by Odin's side and his brother was lost somewhere in Midgard without his powers to call upon Heimdall. Once again Loki found himself cursing the deaths of his betrothed and Sigyn. While he didn't know his betrothed, he knew Sigyn and wished that if she were still alive, she would have found a way to cheer him up, and wouldn't have turned her back on him in his darkest moments.

The day he found out he wasn't his father's son was one of the bleakest and gloomiest of all. It had truly been a day of stupidity to go along with Thor to Jotunheim where they were taunted and ridiculed by Laufey. Laufey even the name brought unknown sorrow to Loki and the royal family. The mere mention of Princess to Thor and the fight was inevitable, note to all, do not make fun of the God of Thunder's hair. They were outnumbered, outpowered and yet Thor wanted to continue. Volstagg was severely burned and Fandral was suffering being impaled by a sword of ice. But the worst was yet to come. With one grasp of his arm, Loki's life changed forever. He found out the truth, he wasn't Asgardian, he was a monster.

He couldn't take it anymore. Living in the shadow of his brother, being the outcast, the black sheep of the family. He wasn't loved by the man who had saved him as a child, he wasn't seen as a child of Odin, but more as pawn in the never-ending chess game that the Allfather played with the realms. He hated it, how he was used as nothing more than a tool, the means to an end. That wasn't love and love was all he ever wanted; love was what he craved. Why was it so hard for them to see him as an equal. Not even while he was hanging into the void of the cosmos was, he seen as an equal. He was known as the silver tongue, but in that moment, he realised that the real silver tongues were his family, his father, his mother and his brother. He was never one of them and could never be.

He had lost everything so what reason was there to live anymore? The first tracks weren't easy. They showed the tears in his soul, but without that how could the soul stay alive? He fought against them, year after year, trying to prove the tears wrong, trying to prove that he was worthy of love, of being himself; but they never stopped. The whispers in his head, telling him of how worthy he was, he was worth nothing. He denied them the ability to call to him and to bring the salty rivers. This was how he stayed alive. This was how the universe reached him and told him he wasn't good enough.

He had always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drifted by. He had always loved the way the leaves moved in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they made, like nature loved to chatter too. Yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remained like a veil over his skin, grey and cold. And as he watched the petals and the twigs that swayed outside the palace, there was only a creeping sorrow where there should have been joy. It sat like November rain on his skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside. At any other time, he would have called a friend, asked for the warmth he needed to ward it off, just a little was enough. No longer. Now he just let it come, drop by drop and he felt like it was an ocean falling upon him instead of rain - that the grief of centuries he carefully suspended had all condensed right above his head into a cloud large enough to block the sun. They said it can't rain forever, that there would come a time when it would cease, that the last drop would have fallen. Thing was, he just didn't care. He would plan to just stay there in the cold, comfortably numb, because that was the most he deserved, that was staying true to himself.

So, when his last attempt of being accepted was rebutted there was nothing left for him to do, nothing but let himself drop falling into nothingness, because at least then he would see Sigyn again, and possibly his betrothed. He would be loved again, hopefully. Staring into the eyes of his brother as he cried, and his father as he looked down at what Loki suspected was disappointment, he released his grasp upon Gungnir, upon the life he knew and let it all go. Thor's cries for him rang around him as he plunged, finally free among the stars watching as the lights of what mortals often called the northern lights descended around him inviting him to his last 'Hoorah'. He was never accepted among the living; may he be accepted among the dead.

╔═════☩══♛══☩═════╗

╚═════☩══♛══☩═════╝

He never thought death would be so painful. He would have preferred to have lost his life, rotting under the soil of some forsaken land than be in the hands of Thanos. Loki thought that Árni was a madman, as was Laufey; but Thanos took the cake. He was the worst of the worst, through months and months of torture, both mind and physical; Thanos finally broke through Loki's walls. He showed Loki the memories of Sigyn, of his betrothed and his brother and mother. In all the memories, they were shown dead, their deaths by his hands, if not his own then their deaths were delivered due to his actions. Sigyn, he failed to save, failed to hold onto before she fell, just as he had. His mother, his sword hand was stained from her blood as his illusions failed to hold and she was killed by Thanos and the Others. Thor laid dead by his own hand, killing him thanks to the control of Thanos. Loki now knew that he had always loved his brother, and thanks to the memories being shown, he knew Thor loved him as well.

Loki could deal with the physical torture, that was nothing new; training in Asgard had always been hard and intensive, but the mental torture, that was new. In the end of it all, Loki would have been better off dead. He wanted to be free, free from it all. He fantasied about being back in Asgard, but then would remember all the pain that stemmed from his home, not to mention the fact that he wouldn't be welcomed there. So, he fantasied about being dead, reunited with Sigyn and his betrothed. No, he wouldn't be allowed in Valhalla where they would be, he would be sent to Helheim; to live out his days in the underworld where the wicked and unworthy resided.

Thanos thought he was giving Loki what he wanted, a world to rule. He didn't want the throne, never had. The throne was something that he couldn't have cared less for, but in Thanos' mind a throne was the bargaining chip. No Loki knew he had to play along so he could be freed from the Titan's grasp. The plan was simple according to the Others, children bastards of Thanos. Bring Thanos the Infinity Stones; the Space Stone with the help of the Mind Stone gifted into his sceptre. Loki however wondered if it was truly a gift or another way for him to be controlled like a puppet. The plan was simple, they said. Open a portal to allow Thanos' army of Chitauri to lay siege to Midgard and kill any who oppose him. He knew Thor would come to defend the home of the woman he loved, there was no way he wouldn't. All he could hope for was that Thor would notice that Loki was not in control of himself. However, with the last time the two brothers saw one another, Loki knew the chances of Thor seeing the good in him was low, very very low indeed. But hope was all the God had left.