A Crows Love (Philza x reader) (UNFINISHED)

It wasnt supposed to happen this fast

"Oh yea uh (y/n)?" Phil asked, gaining my attention once again.

"Yea?" I ask back, finishing up the flower crown and handing it to Phil.

"What did you say when we were racing earlier? I heard you say something and I feel bad that I didn't hear it-" he began to ramble on.

"Oh it was nothing, you seriously don't have to worry about it!" I brushed it off.

"Can you please tell me? If it's something bad I can help you!" Phil says optimistically.

"Seriously Phil, it's nothing I swear." I tried to not allow my voice to show any hints of annoyance. Why is he all of a sudden being so pushy about knowing what I said?

"Obviously it's something (y/n), you can tell me anything, you know this!" He continued.

"Phil! Seriously it was nothing!" I never said his name like that. Not unless I was being serious.

I could feel the tension in the air, it wasn't the normal peaceful silence that occupied the time in between our conversations.

"Is it about the races? And how you always lose?" He questioned, ignoring what I have been repeating.

"No phil- phil if you continued to pester me I'm going to ignore you or go somewhere else." I stated sternly.

I couldn't help the annoyance and aggravation that seeped into my voice. I messed with the hem of my shirt, regretting giving permission to the negative feelings to show in my voice.

"If you're upset that you keep losing you can just say." He says, his voice becoming void of positive emotions.
And that is because of me, isn't it?

I allowed the two emotions to show in my voice once and now I've ruined everything. I'll loose my only friend, my best friend all because of how I said something.

"I already told you that wasn't it phil." I took all emotion out of my voice.

If he was going to do that, then so am I.

"Just tell me what it is!" Phil exclaimed, the flower crown I had delicately made for him was gripped tightly in his hands.

I continued to avoid eye contact, knowing that I usually end up crying in every argument.

"It's nothing Phil! Why don't you understand those words?!" I raised my voice, tiny peaks of emotions sneaking into my the words that came out of my mouth.

Why can't he just leave it alone?

All I had said was 'maybe if I beat you, it'll impress you.'
All I've been trying to do is reach up to his level and impress him!

"So you are jealous. I thought you would've realized that you can't beat me by now." He spoke with slight venom.

And that caused my bubble to pop.

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF IM JEALOUS OR NOT?! WHY IS THAT THE CONCLUSION YOURE JUMPING TO?? GOSH YES I KNOW, ILL NEVER BEAT YOU! IM JUST HAVING FUN WITH YOU. or well at least I was. But oh nooo, you can't let go of one thing you didn't hear! Not everything is going to be in your control Phil! You're not going to hear everything, see everything, do everything! I already realized that I will never beat you years ago. But I still play the stupid game just because if there's a small percentage of a possibility to beat you, then maybe I would impress you! I don't understand how you're friends with me! You've got other friends that you seem to have more fun with, you're able to be more chaotic with. I'm just holding you back from doing that whenever I'm around because you're just being nice so my mom doesn't think you're a bad influence too!" I shouted as I stood up, tears blurring my vision.

"Oh, and before I go, I hope that you have a good day. Sure, I may have just blown up on you but I'm still a genuinely nice person who would hope that you have a good day. Remember when you asked what I would do once I'm out of my moms house?" I could see him nod.

"Well, I guess you won't have to beg your baker neighbor to bake you a loaf of bread or a dessert, because I'm going to travel around. I'm not staying here, and that's what I've made my mind up to be. Now you can have a friend across from you and on either one of both sides of your house. Gosh, I just wanted to impress you but I can't even do that! I know that I will never be on your level. And yea, after some time, losing every single damn race started to take a toll on me mentally. But that doesn't matter since I don't think we will be racing again after today, right?"

He just stayed sat under the willow tree in silence. It's not like I could see if he moved his head, my vision was not only messed up by the well of tears, but was also fixed to the grass under my feet.

"I'm leaving, good bye Phil. Have a good, fun and chaotic day with your friends." I wiped my tears onto my hands, pulling them away to see Phil had torn the flower crown.

All the love and dedication I had put into it just wasted. I turned around and ran to the forest that lines the town. Tears no longer welled and blurred our my vision, as they were free falling down my cheeks, rosy from holding in the tears and anger. I continue to run along the tree line until I see my moms house. I slow down to regain my breath and wipe away my tears before my mother could see them.

Once I had calmed down, I took a deep breath and walked away from the tree line and to the front door step.I turned my head to the left to look down to the town square, making sure Phil wasn't trying to beat me back to the house. I would never call this place "home" because it never felt the way that home is described to feel. It wasn't warm, cozy, or comfortable. There wasn't a feeling of security or safety. I used to have a place I called home.

My home was phil, and I messed up the entire friendship just by muttering to myself about impressing him.

1073 words!
Sorry it's a shorter chapter, but it's 2:57am when I'm writing this, and I need to space the chapter out good enough due to how I already had the next chapter planned. Anyways, I hope everyone has a good day or night! Please go drink water or eat food! And go read the book titled "Updates" please and thank you!
I love you all, until the next chapter!
Written: 17-6-21
Edited: //-//-//