Written Down

72

POV change

I knew when she said that a week ago I should've never believed her. I should've known she wasn't ok and so should've the hospital, but they didn't check on her like they were supposed to in the night when her heart beat slowed and her breathing got shallow. I should've told them not to do the chemo for her brain cancer until the day we left when her body was stronger, but I didn't and...it killed her. It killed my wife. The woman who brought me out of my darkest places and taught me how to control my anger and changed me in ways others couldn't. Out of all the things she wasn't stronger then it had to be her cancer. It had to be her cancer that took her from me. Her cancer that no one even knew she had until it was at stage three. 

Ten years later

Her death was probably the hardest on Orca who was just old enough to understand death and loss at the time, so I stayed as strong as I could for my Daughter who understood that even I had my hard times since her mom died. Most days she cries for her while holding one of her shirts that still smell like her. A lot of days she falls asleep in the dress her mom wore to the hospital the day the twins were born. 

The day she walked in on me singing one of her moms favorite songs while I played the piano despite it being ten years ago she knows the day because I always sing that song so if her moms listening or can hear me she knows I still love and miss her.

"Don't go tonight
Stay here one more time
Remind me what it's like, oh
And let's fall in love one more time
I need you now by my side
It tears me up when you turn me down
I'm begging please, just stick aroundI'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is goneI'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is goneDon't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is goneDon't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is goneThat your love is goneI know this isn't easy (easy)That your love is gone"

"Dad?" I wiped my tears "yeah baby?" She walked over to me "can you tell me how you and mom met and like your story leading up to her death?" I looked down "you don't have to if you don't want to, but you've never told me the full story. No one has." I looked back up at her "I think you're old enough now you can hear it. Your mom wrote alot of it down in this." I handed her a book "this is a published book dad why are you-" I pointed at the name of the author "that's your mothers name she used when she was a singer. this book has almost everything in it, but I can tell you too." She smiled "how about read the book to me like mom used to when I was little. Ya know before it got published and became all famous." I chuckled "ok I will." she sat down in front of me as I started reading and within a few hours the book was finished and Orca was blown away "so mom beat you up and you fell in love with her?" I laughed "yeah I guess you could say that." I let a few tears slip thinking back on all the memories and Orca hugged me and just held me for a minute like her mom used to and it only made me cry harder "you know Orca you are so much like your mom." She giggled "I know. You tell me often and I'm proud to hear it."

Suddenly it felt like she was shaking me and I started to panic then heard her mothers voice call out to me the Orca call out to me as well and when I came to I was in the hospital next to her mother.

"Y/n?" She nodded "yeah. I've been trying to wake to up for the past five minutes because you've been calling out to me." I furrowed my brows "but you died." She gave me a weird look "no I didn't you were having a bad dream that felt real. The twins are right there too." I looked over to them then looked at the chair to see five year old Orca passed out in it "oh god Y/n the dream was terrible." I broke down and moved to Y/n, so I could feel her touch "you had died in the night and I had to raise the kids by myself and Orca was absolutely shattered to not have a mom while growing up and the twins got bullied because of it and-and..." she rubbed my shell "breathe Raph. Breathe." I took a few deep breaths and it calmed me down enough I could finish telling her what it was about "no wonder why you wouldn't make up. You had worried yourself so bad your brain made you believe it was real by giving you a realistic dream. That's what you get."

Once we were cleared to go home I couldn't have been happier because every night I had the same dream (got kept longer) and every night either Y/n woke me up or I woke up crying, but once we were home I no longer had the dream and Y/n was able to finish her chemo treatments fine and beat cancer withing three years. We all celebrated by Y/n announcing her return to music and her first concert back with her friends as a official girl group and me and my brothers as their band and often time other voices.

"Today we're starting off with a song my husband wrote and it kind of reflects how this whole thing started. With a note in the lunchroom. My husband will be the lead vocals."