Seasonal Scrawl | Collection

(01)

A Letter To My Beloved : -

Dear Shiva,

When you get this letter, it would mean that I have breathed my last. This letter holds all that I have confined within me since years. This letter holds my very being and conveys to you all that I wanted to but couldn't. You must be wondering what am I even talking about since all that we have had since childhood has been hatred and animosity. But sometimes things aren't what they appear to be. Hatred and animosity it had been but from your side. Not mine. I used to retort back, get angry at you but I never hated you because how can one hate the person they love?

You must be shocked reading this but this is true. I have always loved you Shiva. It's always been you. But I masked it because I knew it wasn't the same from your side. I knew you hated me and that it would always stay. I also knew the moment you would get to know about my feelings, you'd push me away. So I kept quiet because atleast this way, I had you with me.

It wasn’t a moment. It has been my entire life that I have loved you. It has been my entire life that I have lived holding onto my unrequited love for you. And today, in this letter I’m giving you a peek into my world. Consider this as my last wish and read further.

Tujhe pata hi hoga kisise beintehaa mohabbat karne ka ehsaas kya hota hain. Aakhir tune bhi Kalpana se utna hi prem kara hoga. Par tu maane ya na maane, tujhse sabse zyaada pyaar main karti hoon aur iss baat par mujhe garv hain. Main na teri Radha thi na Rukmini ban paayi par saari zindagi Meera banke zaroor rahi aur main isime khush hoon kyunki mera ishq sirf mera hi raha. Ek tarfa pyaar ki yahi khoobsurati hain Shiva ki poore jismon jaan se ek insaan duje ke prem ka hojata hain par ummeedein na hone ki vajah se, wah sirf mohabbat karne me uljha rehta hain. Maine kabhi tujhe nahi paaya toh tujhe khone ka dar nahi tha kyunki mere andar basi hui teri yaadein hi zindagi guzaarne ke liye kaafi thi. Unn yaadon me na teri rejection thi na ek rishtey se juda dar. Unme bas apnapan tha aur isise zindagi kat gayi.

8 saal pehle jab tu apne sapne poore karne jaa raha tha, uss din aisa laga ki meri andar basi jaan mujhse door ho rahi hain. Uss ek pal me saas tak lena mushkil laga. Meri aankhein bas tujhe dekh rahi thi. Aasun toh aankhon se behene bhi lag gaye par meri nazrein tujhse nahi hati. Bas ek aakhri jhalak chahti thi tujhse ki tu ek baar mujhe mudke dekhle jaane se pehle.  Chahe gusse ya nafrat se hi sahi, bas ek baar tu mudke dekhle jaane se pehle par tu nahi muda aur jo choti si ummeed mere dil me thi woh wahi mar gayi. Iss baat ka confirmation mil gaya ki yeh Raavi teri zindagi me koi maayne nahi rakhti, dushmani ke haisiyat se bhi nahi. Uss raat, aur kai raaton ki bhaanti (tarah), mere aasun bin ruke bahe par fark itna thi ki uss raat sabse zyaada dard mehsoos kiya kyunki shayad tab pehli baar mere zehen ne iss sach ko sweekara. Tab ehsaas hua ki iss nafrat ke rishtey me tu saath hokar bhi saath na tha ! Iss sach ko maanne ke baad agli subah ek resolve lekar aayi. Tu mujhse pyaar nahi karta toh kya hua, main toh poore dil se karti hoon na. Isliye maine phaisla kiya ki main apni poori zindagi tere pyaar ke naam karti hoon. Maine phaisla kiya ki meri zindagi me tere liye mere pyaar ke alawa aur kuch ya koi nahi rahega. Isliye main apna ghar, apna parivaar sab chodkar chali gayi. Ek alag sheher me akele bas gayi. Ek naukri li aur khudke pairon pe khadi hui. Apna sab kuch maine isme laga diya. Aur aise hi main khush thi.

Mujhe ghar chode 4 saal hue they jab mujhe teri shaadi ke baare me pata chala. Par sach kahun, tere liye khushi ke siva aur kuch nahi mehsoos hua.

Ishq khuda ki rehmat hain Shiva. Yeh uska tohfa hain aur ise paane vaala bahut bhaagyavan hota hain. Tune bhi yah tohfa paaya, yah sunke main bahut khush hui tere liye. Bhagwan se teri khushi hi toh maangte aa rahi thi itne saal!

Kabhi socha nahi tha ki yah sab main tujhse kabhi bayan karungi. Par aaj main kar rahi hoon kyunki tujhe jaanne ka poora haq hain. Mera swaarth bas isi me hain ki tu jaane ki mere jaise tujhse koi mohabbat nahi kar sakta.

Yeh sab padhne ke baad apne aap ko dosh mat dena. I’m happy the way our story has gone and I have no regrets of loving you or spending my life in your love. Meera ne Krishn Bhagwan se prem ki ummeed nahi ki thi parantu puri umr unki bhakti me magan rahi. Usi tarah maine kabhi bhi tumse prem ki ummeed nahi ki hain Shiva. So don’t bring in unnecessary guilt within yourself and live happily.

Tumhari “Chipkali’’,
Raavi

A/N

There will be one more small part which will show Shiva's reaction. Hope you all liked this part. If anybody needs the English translation to the words, do let me know in the comments.

Do share your views. Thanks a lot for your love on the prologue itself. This is just on a small concept of unrequited love.

* Not proofread so kindly excuse the errors*

Love,
Pratyusha