Winter & Summer: A Marvel Story in an Alternate Universe!

Chapter 19

Summer stepped out of Sam's office, the heavy wood door gliding shut behind her with a light click. Her mind spun in what felt like a hundred different directions as she tried to sink in everything she had just been told. She felt something inside - something uncomfortable - though she couldn't pinpoint exactly what. She needed to process.

A lump formed in her throat as she casually roamed the stark gray halls of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s headquarters, hands digging into the pockets of her jacket. Then, she stopped in front of the break room, and through the glass window, she saw him - standing over the counter, a mug in his vibranium hand as he was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

The sting in her chest burned so strongly now. Seeing there was no one else in the room, Summer decided to step in.

Bucky, still standing at the counter, lifted the mug to his lips, his back facing Summer as she leaned against the wall by the doorway.

"So..." she said coolly. "I guess we're both riding solo now, huh?"

Bucky took a swig of his drink, the strong liquid leaving a bitter taste as he swallowed. At the familiar sound of her voice, he shut his eyes and took a deep inhale before responding, "Summer, please don't take it personally..."

Summer, both hands still in her pockets, shrugged at his response. "Oh no, it's all business. I get it," she said, a hint of spite tainting her naturally song-like tone. "I dunno, Bucky. It's just..." She sighed. "When I hear that I'm 'hard to talk to' and 'don't take anything seriously' and that I make you 'frustrated' to the point that you no longer want to work with me - I guess I'm having a hard time not taking it personally."

Bucky stayed silent, his eyes staring at the wall in front of him, back still turned to Summer as she went on.

"And the other thing that kinda hurts honestly is...why did Sam have to tell me? Why couldn't you have just told me? We could've worked it out. We could've talked about it..."

"That's just it, Summer - I can't talk to you," Bucky said, finally turning around to face her, emotions boiling over as he spoke with a raised, articulated tone. "Like I told Sam, it's difficult to talk to you because you don't take anything seriously."

"Well, I'm taking this seriously, so talk to me."

"Everything Sam already said is what I wanted to tell you."

"So, that's it? We're done, just like that? Were you never going to talk to me after? Were you never going to talk to me ever again?"

"I didn't..." Bucky struggled to find the words. "I wasn't..."

"What do you want me to do, Bucky? Sit around in a corner and mope about everything HYDRA did to me? That's not any way to move forward..."

"Well, acting flippant about it isn't any way to move forward either!" Bucky snapped. "But I get it. That's your personality, and this is mine. I don't expect you to understand."

Summer's mouth hovered open, and for a second, she stood silently without a rebuttal. But the burning weight in her chest only grew, heavier and heavier, begging to erupt - until finally, it did, by way of tears that began to glaze over her dry eyes.

"You...you think I don't understand?" she said softly, her voice quaking. "You think I don't have nightmares too? That I don't go home at night and watch movies and stay up late for as long as I can so I don't have to go to sleep...and see the faces of all the people I killed? You think that doesn't happen to me too?"

Suddenly, the tension on Bucky's face began to ease, his pale blue eyes softening while all at once beginning to burn.

"You think I don't remember the day they found me?" Summer went on. "I lay there...in agony, in the heat...my legs torn from my body...bleeding...screaming...I wanted so badly to die but I couldn't..." Summer stopped, looking away, blinking furiously, before looking back at Bucky as she continued, "When HYDRA found me, I thought they saved me. They put me to sleep. They gave me my legs back. But then, they turned me into this - a machine. A machine programmed to take hundreds - if not thousands of lives over the course of decades. Wake up, kill, wipe my memory, go to sleep, wake up, kill. Over and over and over again...

"So now, not only do I have to live with the physical pain lingering from all the fighting, and all the beating, and all the torture - I have to live with that guilt of everything I've ever done as the Summer Soldier, no matter how many times people tell me that it wasn't my fault..."

A crack broke through Summer's voice as her lips began to quiver. "So I'm sorry..." she stuttered. "...if I smile and joke around because it makes me feel better. Because I'm trying so hard...every single day...to be happy again..."

Summer shut her eyes, dropping her head, fighting to stop the tears flooding behind her eyelids.

"I just want to be happy again," she whispered.

Bucky stared at her - this time, not blankly, but compassionately, his own tears threatening to escape. His heart broke to see her cry. He never thought he'd see Summer like this.

But he remained silent.

Summer sniffed, blinking quickly as she looked Bucky in the eye once more. "This is what you want, right?" she said, voice low and indignant. "You want me sad, stripped apart, and broken - just like you. Well, here ya go. You happy now?"

Bucky's lips parted just slightly, his mouth hovering open as he struggled to find his words. All he could muster was her name. "Summer..."

"Stop," she immediately replied, her tone growing stronger. "Just stop. Okay? Because your actions speak a lot louder than anything you can tell me right now."

Summer wiped her eyes and tugged at her jacket, pulling herself together. "The counter-serum's ready, so Sam's more comfortable sending me out alone now. It was probably time for that anyhow. He's already got me lined up with solo assignments so I need to get started on that."

Clearing her throat, Summer turned toward the door, but not before looking back once more at her former partner.

"Goodbye, Bucky," she said. "It was nice working with you."

After that, she was gone - leaving Bucky alone, standing frozen in silence, heart sunken to the floor.