The Rugged Edge

Chapter 4: How the Puppet Princess Cut Her Strings

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A/N: Hello! I'm posting this early because I'll be travelling tomorrow  :)  Have a good day!

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Long it's been since I've last felt hope.
It's been very long since I've last seen light.

Long it's been since the sun would rise.
It's been much too long since the clouds were bright.

. . . . .

I spent six months grasping at the little hope I had of finding the document. The fact was, when Bessy had told me about it I'd finally found hope in something. I'd finally seen light in the gloomy darkness. I had believed for a tenth of second - really believed - that I would be able to save the kingdom from despair.

So I searched for the document everywhere. I searched the guard's barracks and even Collum's own bedroom. I looked in the kitchens; in the library; in the cellar; in the maid's room. I searched every nook and cranny of the dark castle... with no luck. I went back to the hall of records so many times that I could have remembered every book's pages by memory.

Finally I had to give into the fact that Act CXII had been burned by Geraint, the guard.

My longing and frustration eventually gave into anger. I was angry at Geraint and Collum. I was angry at my mother for not making herself clear before she died. But most of all I was angry at myself. I told myself that if I had been faster, I would have been able to get to the document before Geraint.

Of course this wasn't true. I was only eleven.

I begged Bessy to let me find and question Geraint about the document. I would make him do... something. In truth, my anger had blinded me to any common sense. I couldn't make Geraint, a trained and talented guard, do anything. Bessy wouldn't let me do this insane thing.

"Ise," she said. "You lost the document, I know. But you mustn't lose hope."

"I can't lose hope," I mumbled miserably. "There's no hope left to lose."

At this Bessy smiled sadly. "It seems so, yes. But there is always a way." And she went back to flipping her pancakes.

So from then on I decided to find another way. One night I woke up very early, while it was still dark and the moon was clear and the world was still. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and dressed myself in the same black riding outfit I had worn on that first search for Act CXII. I had worn it many times in the last six months to sneak around the castle during the night, searching for the document. But tonight I had a sudden impulse to try something new. Something dangerous.

I stole through the shadows of the palace - I had grown very familiar with them - and I crept into the kitchen and out the back door. Soon I was up against the great wall surrounding the castle, two stories tall.

I hesitated only a little before I gripped the nearest uneven stone and lifted myself up. The next stones were also crooked and it was easy to climb the whole wall, up to the top.

The top of the wall was a walkway from which archers could post during battle. However, no one was there and I didn't see any guards. I sat on the stones and looked around. I had never been outside the castle before. Collum had always been afraid that I would be in danger. But what I saw didn't make me shiver from fear, only frown from sorrow.

I saw Rokenmeine spread out before me, the brown, dry fields reaching out as far as I could see. The only green I saw was the huge, overgrown Black Forest about a mile away to my left, and the wild brush at Rokenfort's feet. It was as though even the grass and trees were trapped in the gloom of the kingdom. To the south was a small village. I knew this was the village of Runa by my geography lessons. Its buildings were small and eerie grey against the dim light of the moon. I heard a dog's howl that sounded very far away, and I guessed it was from the village. It sounded lonely, desolate, and abandoned. Behind me, Rokenfort towered high and shadowed, but I wasn't afraid. For a second I thought I saw light coming from the nearest tower, but then it flickered away and I was sure that no one had seen me.

I carefully climbed down the outside of the wall and crawled through the overgrown grass and dead branches at my feet. I went around the back of the castle, where no guards were posted except in the high towers. It was frustrating to think that my mother had married Collum because she had believed him to be skilled at defense, while I was able to sneak out of the castle without even spotting a guard, let alone being spotted by one myself. I walked swiftly towards the woods. This was my instinctive goal because it was all that looked cared for; maybe it was wild, but it could at least care for itself. It was the only thing that survived the poverty. But I didn't expect to reach it, and I was surprised to find that I had before the sun came up. In fact, the sky was still very dark.

I spent the time pulling myself up in the trees, and this gave me an idea. Inspiration sprouted from the deep-rooted tree and seemed to grow right into me, as if I were another branch of the forest's life.

What if I came here every night to train? To get stronger? Then maybe I could take the kingdom from Collum. I could be independent like this forest; I could survive the despair. I wanted to spread the victory of the green trees.

I imagined the green of the forest spreading out, flowers blooming, trees swelling from tiny sprouts to great green canopies. I imagined the far-off village bright and colorful against a clear blue sky, each little wooden house magnificent, with tulips of every hue blooming in red window boxes. There would be wild fiddle music soaring from the town square every other night, with the stars shining down on dozens of smiling faces, young and old. I could see the picture... like a dream, the best kind of dream, the kind you don't want to wake up from.

By the time the sun was up I was back in my bed, with my muscles beginning to ache from the hard walk to the Black Forest and back. And just like that, my life seemed to switch from that of a young and innocent princess to that of a sort of rebel. During the day, I was what I had always been. But in the night I trained. I slept early and woke at three in the morning every day. I snuck carefully downstairs and out into the stone yard. In and out of the shadows I stole, until I climbed over the wall of the fortress and hiked to the forest. And I was back in my bed by the time the sun was up every morning.

The odd thing was, I loved it. I loved the dark where no one could see me and tell me I wasn't the princess I should be. I loved the dream that was always in the back of my mind, of a flourishing kingdom. I loved the hope it placed in my life, piece by piece by piece.