This is my story now|| Ethan Torchio-Måneskin

Vendrai Coraline che piange

TW: sexual abuse, suicide, pain, anxiety, depression
The next days just went by us really fast. We had a concert, which was amazing and I got to do my drum spinning. Coraline was there with us all the time and that was really helpful for me. We really got to know each other, now that we were living together at the Måneskin house. Tonight we got a truths thing, just something where we could say anything, without being judged, everything that was wrong or we felt like it was wrong with our lives.

Damiano: Dimmi le tue verità, Coraline. (tell me your truths, Coraline)
Coraline: I know you guys for such a short time but I already feel like I've known you my whole life, I feel like I can tell you everything, so this is my story...When I was 16 I had a toxic boyfriend, Chad, and when I say toxic I mean it. He tried to touch me so much and I said no all the times but he was forcing me and once he hit me when I didn't obey...It was pretty disturbing for me and I felt like if I tell anyone he will kill me, so, I tried to end things up with him but he said he will not be like this anymore. I didn't believe him but my parents said I should stay with him because they met his fake-goody-classy-boyfriend side...I endured him one more year, the worst year of my life, at my 17 birthday party, my parents weren't home but he told them that we were going to have a party at his house, so they believed him. He dragged me to his room and I was screaming for help but no one heard me. He was almost in me when his best friend, Spencer, came and got him off me and then punched him. Spencer told my family what happened and then I got to a therapist. She told me that back then I had Anxious Depression and I told her that sometimes I get panic attacks. She prescribed me some medication and I got it for a year. I got really better...or that's what everyone thought. I was done with Chad, I barely even remembered what happened with him, the thing was that I hated my panic attacks especially when I wasn't with someone who knew what to do. I tried to kill myself so many times but I never succeeded. Then, at my 19 birthday party I swore that I wouldn't do that and I wouldn't suffer anymore, so that's what I did. From 19 to 21 I was the happiest person I know, and now that I met you, I am even happier!
Me: Oh my god...I really don't know what to say.
Coraline: It's okay, I understand. But it's nothing to worry about!! I am better now and I almost forgot what happened.
Damiano: Are you sure you are okay...Man, if I knew how much you suffered I wouldn't have gotten in your relationship.
Coraline: No, it's totally fine, besides I liked it.
Thomas: I am so sorry Core!
Victoria: Girl, come here.
Coraline: Group hug! I love you really really much guys! I want to spend all my life with you! Ethan, come to the group hug. Ethan? Are you okay baby?
Me: No- I- I am really sorry I should've asked you before we did- No No...I am so so sorry- I
Coraline: Ethan, calm down. It's all okay, I just wanted to get this out of my head.

I felt so terrible...I felt so sad and so guilty.

Me: Coraline, can you come for a second?
Coraline: Sure babe, what's up?
Me: I feel horrible. I am really sorry if I ever forced you to do something.
Coraline: 1. Stop talking nonsense, you never forced me to do anything. 2. If you are going to act like this when we are having sex, I won't feel comfortable.
Me: I- uh. Core...
Coraline: And I kind of want you right now. Come on, say something!
Me: Do you seriously want to have sex after what you to- AhhhoCoraline
Coraline: Tell me you don't like that.

Did she just went down on me in the bathroom, after she told me that she was almost raped? I feel so awkward and awful...What a girl. But she knew what she was doing, she knew exactly what she was doing. I rolled my eyes and almost fell on the floor when she slowly pushed me on the bathroom countertop and I let my head rest on the mirror. I helped her holding her hair and when she finished her job, she wanted us to leave so I grabbed her face in my palms and kissed her passionately without letting her breath.