Til We Meet Again, Next Life

🌺Chapter Eighteen🌺

🌺Tears For The Living🌺
***

Chris

I sat beside my mom, crying. Ba't ko ba sya iniiyakan? She's not dead, but she's not conscious either

Bakit ba tayo umiiyak sa mga taong nasa hospital? Ba't ba tayo umiiyak pag may patay o naghihingalo? Ba't ba ang daming emosyon ang nararamdaman natin lalo na pag alam natin ang kahihinatnan nang lahat?

The sight of my mother in this hospital bed made me grab her hand and held it gently

Ma, gumising ka na. Please

I felt pain inside of me thinking what if... She doesn't wake up

Hindi ko man lang nasabi na mahal ko sya. Hindi ko rin naparamdam yun sa kanya dahil palagi syang wala. Posibleng hindi ko na sya makakausap ulit

I don't know what I'd do if she die

We all cry for the dead, we all cry for the dying. Pero pano naman sa mga buhay? Posible bang umiyak tayo para sa kanila na hindi sakit ang rason?

I cried for Danica, Because I was angered. Iniyakan ko ang sarili ko, dahil narealize ko ang kamalian ko. At umiiyak ako ngayon dahil...

Dahil takot ako

I was scared to lose one source of my sanity. I was afraid to face this life without my mother. Ironic isn't it? I used to hate her, I still do, but look at me now, tearing up, begging for her to wake up

Ba't ba kasi natin kailangang umiyak? Para mabawasan ang sakit? Para mapalabas lahat nang sakit? Para maging kaawa awa sa paningin nang iba?

"Gev?"

Hindi ko nilingon ang babaeng ngayon ay nakahawak na sa likod ko. Lumuhod nadin sya para mapantayan ang posisyon ko

"I know now is a bad time, but... I need to talk to you"

Hindi ko sinagot si Danica. Somehow I don't care. I just feel... Numb

"Gev, I'm still sorry for everything. Kasalanan ko parin ang nangyari sa ating dalawa. But I understand everything now"

Wala akong imik. Ayaw ko nang sumigaw. Pagod na ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko

"Hindi ko sinasabi to para balikan mo ko. I give up, Gev. You were right. The more I ask for chances, the more pain I cost"

So? Ba't nya pa ako kinakausap kung ganon?

"Pero sana wag mong isiping ikaw lang ang nasaktan sa relasyong to, because... Leo was just a product of your selfish decisions"

I could say something, but no, I don't have the strenght to do so

Napalunok sya

"Pinilit kitang intindihin nung mga oras na kailangan mo nang oras para sa sarili mo, pinilit kong kumbinsihin ang sarili ko na magiging ok din ang lahat. Masyado kang naging focus sa pag aaral mo, inakala kong nakalimutan mo na tayo... Kaya-"

"Kaya hindi ka nakapaghintay?" I said in a low broken voice

Naaalala ko ang mga araw na yun. Isang taon lang naman ang hinihingi ko, gusto ko lang naman tapusin ang pag aaral ko nang engineering. I just wanted to finish my studies dahil para rin naman sa amin yun. I want a stable future for the both of us. But she was impatient

She sniffed

"I'm sorry"

Sorry na naman...

"nagtaksil ako dahil sa tagal mong bumalik"

I already expected that answer

"I let another guy touch me while you were gone"

I already know the words she'd say

"I am the one who strayed" she covered her face in shame. Nilingon ko sya

Ang ganda nya talaga. Though I can't see her face, she was the best explanation of beauty

"I wasn't aware of my actions. Sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko. I was selfish too"

I found myself grabbing her hand away from her face. I held both her hands and looked straight in her eyes

"labing syam na taon" I started

"what?" she looked at me confused

"Hindi ko naisip na pagtaksilan ka, Danica. I prioritized my studies for our future. I told you that before I left. Ang sakit isipin na lahat pala nang pinaghirapan ko, pinagpalit mo sa kapusukan mo"

"Gev..."

"nasa paaralan ako Danica pero ikaw lang ang naiisip ko. Lahat nang pinaghirapan ko para sa atin parin yun"

She looked down and sobbed

Kinapa nang kamay ko ang singsing sa kamay niya at hindi na ako nagulat nang wala akong maramdaman. Dahil wala na dun ang singsing na binigay ko

"where's your ring?" Nakatitig lang ako sa mga mata nya

Hinila nya paalis sa kamay ko ang kamay nya at ginamit nya yun para pawiin ang mga luha nya

"I don't want to use you anymore, Gev" she sobbed "kaya papalayain na kita" her hands crawl inside her pocket and pulled out the ring that I was looking for

She held my hand and placed it on top of my palm

"this time. Ako na ang lalayo sayo. I won't come back to you, asking for forgiveness anymore. I'll leave you for your own good"

Even tho she was breaking in tears in front of me, I just stayed in my position feeling nothing. Hindi man lang ako nakaramdam nang sakit sa mga sinabi nya. It just felt like I needed it to happen anyway

"I can't lose you, Gev. But I can't let you bleed slowly dahil sa mga kagagawan ko"

She leaned forward and kissed me. But it didn't feel like anything. Her lips left mine like nothing happened

She sighed as her left hand lingered in my cheek. She bit her lower lip before she met eyes with mine

"Why is it so hard for me to do this, Gev?" she laughed bitterly "Goodbye Christian. I'll see you again" she stood up and walked out of the room

As I saw her fade from view, Something was wrong

Ba't hindi ako tumayo para habulin sya? Ba't di ko sya pinigilan? Why did I let her go?

Napatingin ako sa singsing na nasa kamay ko. Finally, I'm free. I looked at my mom laying down her bed

"Kuya?" nabaling ang atensyon ko kay Greg na kakagising lang. Nakatulog kasi sya sa couch kanina

"is she awake?" napayuko ako bago ako umiling

Kinuha ni Greg ang salamin nya sa nightstand at sinuot yun. He sat up and yawned

"alam mo kuya, sana tulog nalang sya palagi"

My brows furrowed "ano ba yang pinagsasabi mo"

Tatlong taon ang agwat namin ni Greg. I know he still has a lot to go through

I watched him stand and put away the sheets as he placed his hands inside his pockets and walked towards mom and held her hand

"sana hindi ka na gumising ma" napatayo ako sa sinabi nya

Nagtama ang paningin namin at umigting ang panga ko nang ngumiti lang sya

"What?" tumingin sya kay mama at tinanggal ang mga hibla nang buhok sa mukha sya "sa ganitong paraan, nakakapagpahinga sya"

Napatingin ako kay mom. Mom is free from problems now, she looks very peaceful

Siguro tama si Greg, mas mabuti nga sigurong wag na syang magising

•°🌺Aesther93🌺°•