Obey Me! Shall We Date Oneshots

Daddy Dearest's Diary

TW: sexual humor? I think? idk how to phrase it but it's only a small part of it, don't worry
Perspective: MC, third person

MC is gender neutral here

Satan and MC sneak into Lucifer's room. MC flips the light switch and sighs in relief when they see the room empty.
"What, worried Cerberus would be waiting for us?" Satan asks sarcastically.
"Well yeah!" MC exclaims.
"He's only away for one night, so I don't think he'd be expecting anyone to come in and cause problems." Satan walks forward into the room.
"So that's why you decided today would be a great day to come in and cause problems?" MC sassily retorts while following him.
"Exactly. Now look around and see if you can find anything embarrassing or incriminating." Satan instructs as he starts searching in Lucifer's desk.
"I'm kinda surprised it took you so long to ask me to help you find blackmail for Lucifer." MC jokes as they search aswell, looking on shelves. "That seems like a day one escapade." They turn and see the skeleton chained to him wall. "Well that certainly seems incriminating." Satan looks over.
"Oh that's been there forever. Some human Lucifer tortured to let off some steam or something. Nothing we could use." He says offhandedly as he continues searching.
"Sometimes I forget just how scary you guys are." They stare at the skeleton as they walk away, bumping into his bed. They kneel on the ground and search under the bed. They aim their phone flashlight and see some... questionable items. Asmo would have a field day if he knew Lucifer owned this stuff. MC silently thanked god they never said yes to any of Lucifer's advances, they would not be able to handle this kind of 'loving'.
"Find anything good?" Satan asks as he walks up.
"Um, nothing we could use." MC says as they search farther under the bed. A blank green book catches their eyes and they reach to grab it. They just barely reach it and pull it out.
"What is that?" Satan asks. MC moves to sit on Lucifer's bed.

"Let's see..." They open to the first page and read aloud. "Today a child is born. I'm still not quite sure how it happened. My memory is blurry, all I know is this child was born from my anger. I've decided to name him Satan." Satan sits next to them and looks at the book.
"What is this... like a diary?" His voice is softer, less interested in pranking his brother than to see what he wrote about him. MC continues to read.
"He was born a child, not a baby. He knew how to walk, talk, read, and write but he knew nothing of the world around him. He didn't even know of my father. A creature created from hatred of a being they didn't even know... I can't help but wonder what's going on in that little brain of his. He looks eerily like Lilith, the same eyes and being the same shade of blonde."
"I look like Lilith?" Satan mumbles.
"At first impression I thought him to be an angel, but after further inspection I haven't a clue what he is. He has none of the traits of an angel, human, or demon. Have I created something entirely new? If this were to happen at any other time in my life it'd be a miracle to celebrate. Sadly, this war gives me no chance to stall. I'm disappointed I have no time to teach him about the world myself, but I've found some educational books to teach him. He seems to like reading so hopefully this will work. I'm in no place to be a parent, but there's no denying it: I have a son." MC reads. They both sit in silence. "Satan-"
"Read the next page." he interrupts. MC flips the page and does so.
"My son has learned a lot about the world in the past two weeks. He goes through books quite quick so after he finished the ones I gave him I introduced him to my brothers so he could learn from them. Other than myself, he seems to like Leviathan and Asmodeus the most. Asmo likes Satan a lot. It makes sense, he's always liked cute things. Beelzebub and Belphegor don't interact with him much, probably out of guilt. Everything he does reminds me of Lilith. Perhaps that's why he was created, to give me a replacement for my little sister. One thing him and Lilith have in common is how much he adores me. He looks at me with so much love. He's my one beam of light in this dark time." MC finishes the page and looks over at Satan, who is staring at the book with an unreadable expression.
"Keep going." he instructs. MC turns the page to keep reading.
"I have fallen. It's strange to write it out. Everything about this experience is strange, but since this journal is about my son I'll focus on him. Something happened as I fell. He aged rapidly, from a child to a young adult. I think it's because of my rage. In this state of not being an angel, human, or demon I think his aging process is connected to my emotions. Luckily, I won't have to worry about that anymore. After being saved by Prince Diavolo, the Demon King turned me, Satan, and my brothers into demons. Not just demons, but the 'Avatars of Sin', the 'Demon Brothers'. He instructed us to treat Satan as a brother, not as my son. I don't think I'll ever be able to see him that way, but it'd be unfair of me to object to the Demon King. He also placed Satan as the fourth born, showing his higher power than a few of my brothers. I find this odd, but perhaps demon family dynamics are simply different than angel ones. At least my son has an identity now. He's not just some strange new creature. He's Satan, a demon, the Avatar of Wrath. I fear what will come from this, but for the time being, we're happy."

They sit in silence for a long while, simply staring at the book. Without a word, Satan grabs it from MC's hands and looks at the blank cover. Suddenly, they hear the sound of the door opening.
"Well this certainly wasn't what I expected to see when I came home early." Lucifer says as he enters his room, walking up to see what they're looking at.
"Lucifer, I-I PROMISE-" MC starts.
"Read what's written on the last page." he interrupts. Satan opens the book to the last page and reads aloud.
"Satan, it's not wize to go snooping around other people's stuff. The only reason I haven't burned this book is because I was certain one day you'd find it. I just hope that one day is after your excruciatingly long phase of you hating me." He pauses and reads the last part at almost a whisper. "I've never stopped seeing you as a son. You may hate me, but I love you more than anything."
"Run along now and pretend you never saw that book." Lucifer sighs. Satan sets the book on the bed and quickly walks out, avoiding eye contact. MC sits there.
"I should probably go..." they say as they stand up. Lucifer stops them.
"To get that book you had to look under my bed." he says.
"Um, yeah..?" they confirm apprehensively. Lucifer smirks.
"Did you like what you saw?"