Sophie walker [Book 1] ✔️

Thirty-eight

Tw: anxiety, self harm, suicide.
The chapter's going to be a pretty triggering one so just read at your own risk and i'm here to talk always <3
*A month later*
Sophie pov

It was hard. So fucking hard. I could deal with the panic attacks earlier but now it was constant anxiety, overthinking.

I had begun self harm. Dad  didn't know. Parker didn't know. No one knew. I made the cuts on my thighs so one could see them.

Ever since the fire, I started hearing voices of mom, grandma saying horrible things and a strange voice which was kinda like my own to kill myself.

The self harm was an escape. I caused that fire. I deserve the pain.

I started school 2 weeks earlier. I had been distracted, not focusing in class. The voices never stopped. I didn't sleep. I went to school, came back and laid in bed.  I only ate when dad was there. He had been busy, claiming the insurance, work and everything.

We had a test in math two days ago. We were probably going to get it back today. Mr.Radford said we would.

"Sophie wake up already, you're going to be late." Dad said.

"I'm up." I said.

"Get ready fast. Yeah?" I nodded.

We had gotten a new house. It was a ten minute walk from my school and a twenty minute drive to the hospital. It was two floors. One for living, kitchen and all that and one basement.

I got ready fast, not really doing much just covering my dark circles and wearing a simple shirt and pants. I walked to the kitchen and dad was cooking.

"I'm making my special sandwich."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

I started thinking of an excuse. I didn't want to eat. I started putting books in my bag, checking my schedule seeing Maths was last.

Great. Just great. More anxiety.

"Come on let's eat." I walked to the table and sat down.

Dad made 4 sandwiches. I quickly took the smallest one and ate it. I stood up and he looked weird at me.

"I'm not that hungry dad, I'll eat at school don't worry."

"Alright have a great day. Also, I think I'll be late today."

"How late?"

"Around 9 I think."

"Okay, have a great day, i'll see you at night."

"I love you."

"I love you too"

I wore my shoes and started walking to school.

I entered through the gates, telling myself it's just another day and it'll be okay.

I started walking to English.

"Kill yourself."

"You don't deserve to live."

"You burnt the house you grew up in soph, you can't do anything right." That was mom's voice.

"Soph, soph." Parker said running to me

"I was calling you for a while."

"I'm sorry I was just thinking about something."

"It's alright. You haven't been talking much these days though. Everything good?"

"Oh yeah, i've just been kinda distracted you know cause of the fire."