Dear Diary | Proxies

viii. false hallucinations

Dear Diary
This only seems to be getting weirder.

We sat in a comfortable mess of limbs for a while, just watching the TV when a faint buzzing sound filled my ears. It sounded like TV static, almost, and annoyed me. I was able to ignore it for a small bit, pressing my face into Toby's chest and watching the show we had playing intently. It didn't last for long, though. The sound began to get louder and louder until it was almost deafening. I pressed my hands to my ears and whimpered quietly, shutting my eyes.

Toby threw his head to the side a few times before pressing both of his hands to my shoulders and pushing me away slightly. I could feel the boys turn to watch me as I hunched over, pressing my hands as tight to my ears as I could. I felt dizzy as the sound persisted, and I could feel bile rising up my throat.

Brian's voice was muffled as he pushed himself up to his knees in front of me. "Hey, June, what's happening. Come on, talk to us." He pressed his hands to my cheeks and held me still, and I felt myself learning into his hold, finding it somewhat grounding. Another hand – Toby's I assumed – pressed against my forehead, holding me up a bit. "Come on, doll."

I let out a low whine as I tried to blink open my eyes. The world was spinning around me. It felt like stop motion as I turned to the window, my vision choppy as if my head wasn't catching up with reality. I stared out the window for a moment, not really knowing why, but I got my answer soon enough. There, in the treeline, was a man-like figure. I hadn't caught him at first and hadn't understood what I was looking at, but as soon as I understood, I passed out.

There had been a man? I wanted to say it was a man, but he was tall – taller than he should be – and wearing a suit. His skin was as pale as paper and suit as black as night, but that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst was when my eyes had made it to his face. He had none. It was pure paperwhite, a smooth space with no ridges or dips. No eyes. No mouth. No nothing.

I was awoken only a few moments later to the feeling of someone running their hands through my hair. People were talking quietly, but I couldn't tell if they were arguing or just worried. I sighed lowly and turned slightly, leaning into the touch. The talking ceased as I groaned quietly, forcing my eyes open. The hands pressed a bit deeper into my hair before pulling away.

I was laying in Brian's lap, I realized. Tim was sitting at my feet, and Toby was nowhere in my line of sight. I grumbled quietly and turned, squeezing my eyes shut. My head was pounding.

I looked up at the sound of feet pounding against the wood flooring of my home, and then Toby was crouched down beside us.

"G-give me y-yo-your han-nds-sss," he said. I complied, lazily reaching a hand out to him. I felt like jello. He placed a few pills in my hand and then held out a glass of water.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position with Brian's help. He placed a hand on my lower back and helped me steady myself, his touch not leaving until he was sure I wouldn't fall over. I downed the pills the best I could and gave the glass back to Toby who ran out of the room and into the kitchen, presumably to put the glass in the sink.

I stared at my hands, trying to connect myself back to reality, but it was hard. Everything still felt fuzzy, but it was slowly falling away. Everyone was quiet for a few moments until Toby returned. He slid to the floor in front of me before backing up when I tensed a bit. It wasn't anything against him, but Tim and Brian were already on either side of me, and the tired part of my brain didn't like the idea of Toby boxing me in.

A hand reached out and pressed gently against mine; it was surprisingly Tim's. I gingerly took it, interlacing our fingers and focusing on the grooves and dips of his hands. "Do you want to talk about it," he asked, his voice gruffer than usual.