Dear Diary | Proxies

xxii. gentle kisses

Dear Diary,

Good times call for good loving.

"That's a lot in only two days, doll. Are you sure you're okay right now?" Brian's voice was steady from his place behind me, legs laying haphazardly on either side of me, my back to his front. Toby was in front of me again, and I got a sense of deja vu as he leaned into my thigh as I worked product into his hair. The only difference between this time and the last was that he was wide awake, hands playing with the bottom of the sweatpants I was wearing.

I shrugged my shoulders, running the final bits of leave-in conditioner through Toby's hair. "I don't think I've processed it fully. It'll hit me later, I'm assuming," I paused. "I don't know. It didn't hurt as bad as the last time. I was so focused on getting away that I just- I saw red. I cried, and I threw up, but then, I saw the big man's approval, and it felt easier, in a weird way." I pressed back into Brian. "Remember when I said that I could probably adjust faster to killing people than animals?"

Brian huffed. "How could I possibly forget."

"I don't think I was wrong, B. I mean- I just- I can't explain it." I couldn't, truly. Something about it, maybe it was just because he had tried to hurt me, but something about killing him hadn't hit me as hard as last time. Sure, there was the immediate reaction, but here I was in their arms, completely fine. The last time this had happened, I was a wreck for weeks.

"We get it. It's okay," Tim replied. "You don't have to explain."

I relaxed at the words. They were right. They had been through this before, killed countless people for him. They were used to it.

Tim let out a deep breath, standing from his position on the floor, smacking his knees in a way that was just so him - like a dad without kids. "How about this? We can go get take-out for dinner and watch those shitty movies Toby likes so much - a small celebration for you being back?" He rubbed the back of his neck, pink flushing across his face. "As much as I hate to admit it, we all know you're not going to be around for much longer because you'll be swept away into another trial, so we should savor this while we can, yeah?"

I nodded enthusiastically, a grin lighting up my face. "Can we get Chinese food?"

He let the smallest of smiles slip on his face, eyes softening. "Of course, darlin', from the place near the mall?"

I nodded even quicker. God, I hadn't eaten there in what felt like ages, but it was one of my favorite places.

"Toby and I can go run there for you-"

"Actually," Brian cut him off, jean-clad legs sliding out from behind me. "I'll take Toby because I know he'll want to stop by a Redbox or something so he can rent like ten thousand movies. You always get fed up during that." He stood beside the shorter man, patting his back a few times, "Right?"

Tim looked like a deer caught in headlights, but he nodded, turning back to me, eyes silently asking if I was okay with that.

"That sounds great," I spoke up.

Toby jumped up as I spoke, wiggling his body in excitement. "L-let's go th-then! Movie t-t-time!" He jumped forward, running out of the room before quickly running back and planting a sloppy kiss to my lips before running away again. We could hear the door slam just a few moments later.

I giggled to myself. Only he could make something like that so endearing. Brian paused for a moment before leaving. He stepped back and pressed a kiss to my temple before turning to Tim. "Take good care of her, yeah?" He then pressed a kiss to Tim's temple as well before exiting. I giggled again at the sight of Tim going red at the other man's actions.