Dear Diary | Proxies

xxxvi. fights in fields

Dear Diary,
The rake is more like a dog than anything.

I didn't leave the room the next day, wrapped in blankets and reading the book. It was a bit more boring than I cared to admit, but I powered through anyways, not wanting to do anything at all. The strange thing about being in love with three men is that the moment they were away, suddenly you had nothing to do with yourself. Each of them took up so much time and tended to be there so much that I now, alone for only a few days, I found myself with absolutely nothing to do.

I pressed on, though, page after page not fully digested but read in theory. As the day turned to night, and my sorrow continued to fill my bones, I found myself staring at the wall instead, lost in thoughts of nothing. The room was completely dark now besides a small light my phone made while charging. I shifted, turning to look at a different corner only to pause, blinking a few times.

Hoody?

It was soft, barely there, but it looked like Hoody standing against the wall, the yellow and red of his uniform sticking out against the dark of the room. I closed my eyes tightly and reopened them, but when I did, he had disappeared. Fuck, they had been gone for two days, and I was already losing it again.

I huffed, turning and instead looking at the wall against the bed. I curled in on myself without thinking, only stopping when I felt the bed dip behind me like someone had climbed in. I froze, turning just slightly. At first, I didn't see anything, and then loud panting hit my ears, and Smile was standing above me in the bed, grinning in a way only dogs could. He whined lowly and curled against my back, nuzzling against me.

"Smile? What're you doin' in here, bud?" I hadn't even realized the door was open, but when I looked, it had been cracked.

At the sound of my voice, Smile jumped up and over me so he was on the other side, curling against my front instead, bonking me happily with his head on my shoulder before he dropped. He nuzzled into my shoulder, chittering his teeth for a moment before slumping fully. I couldn't help the smile. What a little guy. I had only pet him once, and here he was, hopping to me for attention. I stuck my nose in his fur. Weirdly, he smelled like Toby. I didn't want to question it, just pushed myself closer to the warmth.

"Thank you, Smile."

He made a low yipping sound only to perk up immediately after, looking up as if someone was in the room with us. I jolted with him, turning but seeing no one. I let out a shuddering breath, watching as Smile tilted his head as if confused before flopping back onto the bed, letting out a grumble.

I laid down as well, curling into the dog as much as I could as I drifted off to sleep.

There was a weight on me when I woke like someone was on top of me with their arms wrapped around me. I sighed, going to pat at whoever it was, automatically assuming Tim from the positioning, but as I dropped my hand, the weight disappeared. I grumbled, cracking open my eyes to see nothing but blankets on top of me.

I was going fucking insane.

I sat up, rubbing at my eyes as I did so. Smile sat up as well, stretching dramatically at the end of the bed and yawning. He licked his teeth loudly before looking at me. He jumped down from the bed, took a few steps away, and then turned to look at me, silently asking me to follow. When I didn't immediately follow, he huffed and hit the ground with one of his front paws.

I huffed out a laugh. "Alright, buddy, alright. I'm coming." I clambered out of bed, shucking on a pair of Brian's sweatpants that were way bigger than I thought they would be, matching one of Toby's hoodies I was already wearing. He bumped his nose against my shoes, and I pulled those on as well.