Dear Diary | Proxies

xv. hands and thighs

Dear Diary,
The faceless man is almost interesting.

"Okay, so explain this all to me- as much as you can. I still don't really get it. You work under him and all, but why?" I was sitting on the edge of my bed with Toby on the floor, his head resting against my thighs. He was fast asleep, having tired himself out from his earlier outburst. Tim was behind me on the bed, sitting on my phone playing Candy Crush while ignoring the world, it seemed, and Brian was sitting on the floor in front of us. I really needed to get a bean bag or something if they were going to keep sitting there.

I carded my hands through Toby's hair as Brian spoke. Toby's hair was an absolute wreck of barely-taken-care-of waves, and so I wanted to take the time and brush it out for him. I had some hair-care products I had bought and then never used stored away in my bathroom, so I gave him the full treatment as he slept.

"Well, like I said earlier, we all work under him for one reason or another. We work with others like us. Like," he paused for a second, "remember Jeff?"

I shuddered. "How could I possibly forget," I grumbled.

"He's under him, too. Different job, but same boss." Brian gave a tired smile at my obviously annoyed look and nodded. "We don't like him either, to be fair. Him and Toby used to be friends a while back, but Toby's calmed down a lot since then. Jeff? Not so much."

"What do you mean 'calmed down?' Toby used to be that deranged?" I looked down at the boy between my thighs. His head had tilted back so he would be looking at the ceiling if he was awake. He looked so soft, face only smooth planes besides the gnarly gash on his cheek. I couldn't see him hurting anyone like the other boy had – like Jeff had.

Brian nodded stiffly. "You'd be surprised."

I was silent for a few moments, running a brush through Toby's head, trying to be as gentle as possible even as the brush snagged. Really, I knew he couldn't feel the pain, but I didn't want to even risk it. "So, why do you work for him? I mean, did you choose to, or did it just kind of happen?" I suppose that you couldn't really argue with a faceless creature.

"Different reasons. To put it shortly, Tim and I were stalked by him for a long time and were forced to join. Toby did something bad and got put under his care because he saw potential in him to do a good job." I hummed.

"Why don't you leave?"

Brian snorted. "Like we have a choice." He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. "We tried running from it for so long, but he finds you in the end. Always. It's terrifying, but there's nothing you can do. Once he's latched on, you're kind of just done for." He was silent, staring at his knees as he pulled them closer to his chest. "But you get used to it. You go through the motions. It gets easier. Well, I think it wouldn't have been if I hadn't developed Hoody, but-" he stopped himself, practically biting his tongue to keep something from spilling.

I looked down, not wanting to see him as his face darkened. I didn't want to know, really, but I did at the same time. "Why is it – he – whatever – interested in me?"

Brian's gaze flickered to Toby, and I followed it. The boy stirred lightly against me, twitching in his sleep before rolling his head to my other thigh. "It wasn't on purpose, but Toby kind of led him here. Really, it was our fault, too, but –" he sighed "- I'm sorry."

I put the brush down and replaced it with my fingers, smiling gently at the feeling of Toby's hair finally being fully detangled. "So, what can he do, and what does he want with me?"

"Well, we don't really know what he is, but he wants to be worshipped like a god, it feels like. He can teleport, read your mind, give you paranoia, hallucinations. He can kill you and bring you back to life. He can take complete control over your body for days at a time." My blood went cold, and my hands stilled. I was practically shaking as I repeated the sentence over and over in my head. Complete control. For days.