Let's Chat, Shall We

Let Me Explain-

So, I realize that I tell you all that you've helped me through some really rough times in my life, and you have no idea what it is you're helping with.

I've had a wattpad before, years ago, don't remember the password, and honest to god, it was dedicated to One Direction, and I'm not even sorry about that. Anyway, I recreated a new account after starting Supernatural, because I needed more of Dean Winchester, honestly. Since recreating a new account, I have met some really amazing people, and the Fandom-Family is by far the best thing to happen to me in a while.

I'm going to bring you all back in time quite a bit, and a few times to kind of explain who I am, to an extent.

So, as y'all know, I lost my childhood best friend, years ago to suicide, and that sent me into this really deep place in my mind that I have yet to escape. I myself have attempted to take my life, on multiple occasions, it just never worked for me. I don't celebrate those anniversaries like most would, and I don't talk about them either as they could potentially trigger someone else.

Fast forward to six years ago, I met a guy, Frankie,  who I thought was just the greatest person in the world. I was so wrong about him. He ended up getting arrested a year after we had been together, because he had done things to a girl years before. To say I was ashamed that I actually lost my virginity to that guy, would be the understatement of my life. But, it happened, so what are you gonna do, you know? Whatever. I've moved on from that.

When he got arrested, I was shaken, everything I thought I knew went way down the drain, and I could feel myself giving up again. My best friend, David,  had texted me, asking if I was okay, and offered to come and stay with me, which I wanted to say no, but he knew me way to well to take no for an answer and came and stayed with me for a while. I don't know what happened, I just know one day we hung out, the next we didn't, and I started dating a different guy, Ashton.

Now, Ashton was pretty normal, y'all. I'll give him that. We were together for about three years, and it was an okay time for me. That's about when I started watching TVD, because he started gaming, constantly, and my friend Abby said I should watch it, and I refused at first. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks." And Abby said I'd come around, and now it's a habit that when I see Matthew Davis or his name, I have to chant "Ric, Ric, Ric!" It's just an inside joke that's stuck with me. Back to it— Ashton decided he wanted to quit his job to start gaming all the time, and we lived in an apartment at the time, paying $650 a month. I barely made that on my own, so I got a second job and stuck it out for as long as I could, made myself sick doing it, but I did what I had to do.

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore, and I was just done. When he came to me saying he was going to move out and with friends, I didn't even fight about it, I just let him go. Helped him pack and drove him to his Uncle's house...

This next half of my life is going to open your eyes completely to who I am, and everything the last three years has done for me, and to me. I am PRAYING that y'all don't see me differently or think less of me in anyway. But, here goes—

After I left Ashton, I was supposed to attend a wedding that was three and a half hours away, so, I messaged David and asked if he'd want to go, which he was more than happy to... That one trip opened both of our eyes to what we had never seen before, and I wouldn't change anything about it....

After the wedding, we drove back, which seemed longer than the drive down, and I was so so tired when we got to his house, so he offered me to go inside and sleep, which I couldn't turn down because I was tired as hell, and would have fallen asleep on the way home. So, we went inside and to his room. I laid down on one side of the bed and he laid on the other and turned on a movie. It was quiet for a solid ten minutes and I was just about to fall asleep when he kissed me. I opened my eyes to look at him and he said "I'm sorry, I've just always wondered what that would be like, I should have asked first. I'm sorry." And I will let you all fill in the dots here on what happened next, because we both came to realize that we had wanted each other for a really long time.