Let's Chat, Shall We

Day Twenty Eight

October 13, 2021

Loves,

I really don't have much of an update for y'all, I don't think. The last couple days have just felt long and exhausting. I've felt a bit depressed, and all I've wanted to do is stay under my blanket and sleep.

My boss is finally putting me on dayshifts, but is still having me work two overnights a week, which is ✨awesome✨ if you can feel the heavy sarcasm in that... I'm not sure how she expects me to maintain a healthy and stable sleeping schedule while juggling being a single parent.

I can't seem to get out of my head these days, but I'm trying the best that I can. My thoughts have been rather intrusive lately, and no amount of music that I listen to, no matter how loud I play it seems to help. Some of the things are stupid, like when I have a magnet in my hand, my first thought is to hold it up to my phone screen, or just any screen in general. I never do though, don't worry. Other times, it's while I'm driving, or when I'm shaving my legs... the amount of self control it takes to not act on each thought is honestly exhausting.

In this passed month, things have just felt harder than they ever have. I promise that I am doing my absolute best, but days are just getting harder... I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, or what my purpose is... My son doesn't want to listen to me, he laughs when I get onto him for doing things he knows he's not supposed to do, he pretends like he can't hear me...

I don't know, y'all... I'm just tired of fighting...

All my love,
-Nic