Finally Home

The Visit (pt.2)

*WARNING: mentions of s*icidal thoughts, underage alcoholic/drug abuse, flashbacks in italics, use of Finn's dead name but still uses (they/them)*

It's about to get real dark, real quick

"Well...where do I start..."

Finn sat in front of their therapist as she paid close attention. Finn held their hands together, "..I'm...I'm actually quite not sure where to start..if I'm honest." The therapist crosses her legs, "Well..How about we start off with your childhood?" Finn looked at her a bit uneasy, "Oh..well..I was an orphan..My birth mom gave me up when I was a newborn.."

"And how did that make you feel?" The therapist asked. "I mean..it's not like it I could feel at such a young age." Finn chuckled. "But..I have to admit, throughout the years and finding out the truth it kinda just...made me feel useless." Finn rubbed their arm. "And, it's even worse when you're in an orphanage and no one even blinks an eye at you because they can tell you're...different."

"Hmm, and does that make you feel any..specific way?" The therapist had asked.

Finn knew what she meant by 'specific way'...Finn wanted to lie. Say, 'No! Never!' but instead the words that came out were mostly-

"I've felt that way my entire life."

Finn continued, "Ever since I learned that my birth mother never wanted me..Then I figured, 'hey! maybe someone will adopt me!'..But years went by and, well...you catch my drift.."

"And so..Does that have any connection with your use of alcohol?" The therapist went on. Finn looked at her uneasy as they made an uneasy confession, "Yes..but..that's um..after.."

"What do you mean, after?" The therapist asked. "I-um..you..you won't tell my moms about this..will you? This is something I'm not proud of talking about.." Finn said with hesitation. The therapist gave Finn a gentle smile, "Finn..unless it's still affecting your everyday life everything you say here is safe and stays in this room." Finn looked at her with soft eyes,

"Well...before alcohol..I used to..consume drugs."

The therapist didn't know whether to seem surprised or understanding, "Oh..And how did you ever..I think the most important question is when..did you consume drugs?" Finn cleared their throat, "Well..It was when I turned nine..They were just..there, you know? They were my caretaker's at the time when a couple first tried adopting me. I didn't know what kind they were but wow, they were strong for someone my age..And I guess well..I kept thinking to myself this could kill me.." Finn felt tears coming down.

"The worse part was..I was relieved with the thought that it could."

"I just..I just hated living! I couldn't stand the fact about not being chosen into a home, I felt unlovable!" Finn put their hands on their head as they tried not to sob. "And..what changed? Have you used any lately?" The therapist asked gently. "No. Ever since I moved in with my moms I stopped. I felt this need to exist now..Like the feeling of being alone was completely gone." Finn smiled a bit. "I am really relieved to hear that Finn." The therapist smiled, "Now..to the present part of this situation."