Freddy is not GASSY

Death Mountain

Freddy woke up super early in the morning.  He was ready.  He was ready for anything.  But, he was super tired.  He rolled out of the bed and onto the floor.  He crawled to the closet and yanked down a bunch of old clothes.  Which ones looked best?  He tried the small read shirt.  It was too small.  He tried on a bright neon green shirt.  IT was just the right size, but IT was too neon green.  After looking through all his shirts, he realized that none of his shirts were right for him, so he decided to go shirtless today.

     He then looked at his pants.  Khakis, jeans, black.  None of them looked good, but his polka-dot sweats, those looked amazing.  He put them on in a hurry.

     The next thing he had to do was brush his teeth.  He turned on the facet. 

     “It’s not working, dad!”

     “How are you gonna be a good architect if you don’t know how to fix things?”

     That was not part of the job description, but, oh well.  He took apart the entire sink and everything flooded out everywhere.

     Soon, their whole house was flooded.

     “WHAT AER WE GONNA DO?” yelled Freddy.

     Freddy got pushed away with the current and they floated out of their house into the street. 

     “GASP,” said dad.

     “I know,” said Freddy as he floated to the sewer.

     Dad noticed that Freddy was about to fall in the sewer.  But that wasn’t important.  What was important was that Freddy was wearing POLKA DOT PANTS?  WHAT WS WRONG WITH HIM?

     “SON WHY ARE YOU WEARING POLKA DOT PANTS?  WHAT”S WRONG WITH YOU?”

     “I don’t know dad!” he thought for a moment. “HELP ME!”

     He almost refused to help his son.  Why would he, after all, he was wearing polka dot pants.  But he needed to save Freddy, because he was his son, and a good father will always be there for his children.  He jumped off his house and into the flood.

     “I’ll save you!”

     “No, it’s too late!” yelled Freddy as he fell into the sewer!

     “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” yelled dad.

     Dad floated down the street and he had to think, he had to think hard.

     “How am I going to save Freddy?” asked dad to himself.

     Suddenly he had an idea.  He got out of his pocket a pocket-sized helicopter.  He floated above the city. 

     “I’ll save you!”

     Then he got out his x-ray vision glasses.  That would seriously help him see underground and find Freddy.  So he looked.  He looked all over the place.  But Freddy was nowhere to be seen. 

     “FREDDY WHERE ARE YOU?”

     Suddenly the faucet turned off.  SOMEBODY HAD BROKEN INTO THE HOUSE AND TURNED THE FAUCET OFF.  He got really scared and used the helicopter to float down to the house and investigate.

     “What’s wrong?” asked the x-ray glasses, which could also talk.

     “Somebody broke into the house and turned the facet off,” muttered daddy.  “Now we know that the water will stop running and the plants can’t be watered.”

     He looked all over the house for whoever had turned the faucet off.  He couldn’t find this person anywhere.

     “I’m sorry you couldn’t find the person who had turned the faucet off anywhere,” said the glasses.

     Oh snap, the glasses could also read his mind!

     “Is that a problem?” said the glasses.

     Nobody, NOBODY, was going to read his private thoughts.  He crushed the glasses in his fists and got out a new pair.

     “Can you read my thoughts,” he thought.

     “no,” said the glasses.

     “Good.”  And with that he drove the helicopter away, far, far away, in desperation.  His son was nowhere to be found.  True, these kinds of things happened every single day, but IT was still bad every time IT happened. 

     This was really messed up.  He needed to find his son because if he couldn’t find him, he’d be dead.  And if he was dead, that would mean that he couldn’t go to work today.  And if he couldn’t go to work today, that would mean that he couldn’t pay off the dad’s loan for the most expensive car in the world.

     Dad flew the helicopter to the top of a high mountain, named DEATH MOUNTAIN.  Death Mountain was really high.  Anyways, Death Mountain was the only thing that stood in the way of him and the answers to everything.  In fact, IT was the answer to everything, every question.  It was buried somewhere inside.  But nobody could cut through to the core of this mountain, so nobody knew the answers to every question yet.  It was a restricted area, but he had an invisible helicopter, so he was able to sneak through.

     He asked the mountain.

     “What’s happened to Freddy?”

     The mountain didn’t reply. 

     “I need to know!  Spit IT out!”

     And suddenly the mountain belched out lava.  The lava was purple, but that wasn’t a problem.  The problem was that there was lava at all.  He had predicted that IT would never erupt.  He was wrong.  He flew his helicopter out of the enclosures.

     *****

     Meanwhile, Freddy had used his pocket-sized motorboat to ride through the sewers and make IT to work on time.

     *****

     Daddy was so sad.  His son was gone forever.  Things had gone terribly wrong.  What was he going to do?

     He got a text message from a number he didn’t know.  It said, “Freddy is safe at work.”

     Instantly he got another text message from another number he didn’t know, which said, “Freddy is safe at work, but you will not be safe at work today.  You are not safe anywhere, and soon Freddy won’t be safe at work anymore.”

     Which message was true?

     Dad realized that one of the area codes started with 1-800, so it must not be true.  But wait.  That meant that it was trustworthy.  Or was it?  OR was it not?  Or… he was confused.  And IT turned out, that he would be confused for a very long time.