“There’s a problem,” said the creature, when Johnson had arrived on the planet via teleportation through the next dimension.
“This place looks familiar,” said Johnson.
“Yes Freddy,” said Freddy. “You were born here.”
“WHAT?”
Freddy explained all of the story and even some more parts that we didn’t hear yet. I’ll continue at those parts.
“So,” said Freddy, “your mom was in big trouble, because all the people on the ship wanted to have her babies, and they were all extremely ugly like her.”
“Right,” said Johnson.
“Well, there was a really beautiful person who was your father, right?”
“Right…”
“Well, he worked at the grocery store, which was the first place she stopped to eat. He thought she was extremely beautiful, and it turned out that he was the first person she found here who she thought was extremely beautiful too.”
“Okay…”
“And both of them were considered really ugly by their own people, right?”
“Right…”
“So they got married and had you. GASSY was willing to fly back to the Shouting Planet and return your mother to her people and have my body be born.”
“OH SNAP, right, we’ve switched.”
“And we need to fix that,” explained the creature.
“Why?” “Why?”
“There’s a problem. And that problem is that there is about to be a war waged between GASSY and our people.”
“OH SNAP!”
“Freddy, I mean Freddy’s mind.”
“Yes?”
“Do you remember reading about how a long time ago in history there were many different races?”
“Yes…”
“Well, the solution was to interbreed until there was one country, one culture.”
“Yes.”
“That hasn’t happened to our planet yet. There are still a bunch of civilizations, mostly primitive, but there is another country of purple-skins that is trying to take over the planet.”
“OH SNAP.”
“They have been trying to help GASSY and ally with them, and because they have, they have been given some of GASSY’s technology. They are getting ready to attack us. That is not good.”
“Oh, of course not.”
“So what I want you to do, is to be a part of GASSY and be a man on the inside for us. You’ll know where the weapons are placed. It’ll be really good.”
“Well why is GASSY interested in our planet?”
“GASSY wants to get a hold of a chemical that will corrode a certain kind of rock. There’s a mountain on your earth that holds a certain religious significance, I forget the name of it.”
“Death Mountain.”
“Okay, well, the rock of the mountain needs to be corroded, because inside the mountain, there is the answer to absolutely everything.”
YOU ARE READING
Freddy is not GASSY
HumorThis story nearly follows to the ending of Freddy's life as he tries to sort through the problems he has in his strange, strange world.
