JJ Maybank Imagines

[a] He Finds Your University Acceptance Letter

Imagine type: angst

Warning: hasn't been proofread yet!! I apologized for any mistakes

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"Here we are," you say with a grin, placing a tray of snacks on the coffee table as JJ settles on the couch, trying to decide between four or five options for your Netflix marathon.

"You pick, there are too many options," JJ shoves the remote in your hand, feeling overwhelmed and you let out a laugh.

"Oh! I forgot our cups in the kitchen," you start to get up, but you get pulled back down.

"You pick a show, I'll get the drinks," your boyfriend suggests. You let him go and scan the choices in front of you.

Most of these you had already seen together, but you weren't a big fan of starting something new. You liked to repeat movies and shows you already knew you enjoyed watching.

"Hey, JJ, how do you feel about—" but before you can finish, he walks in, a piece of mail gripped in his hand.

"What's this?" He asks you and you feel the colour draining from your face.

"It's nothing," you shrug your shoulders. You get up, trying to take it from him, but he holds it higher above your head, so you can't reach. You know this time he isn't doing this to tease you, but because he's upset.

"It's an acceptance letter," he says, as if you didn't already know.

It was an acceptance letter. You had received it in the mail a couple weeks ago, but the news had been so sudden. You hadn't expected to get into any school, never mind this school. You thought you could forget about it, but obviously JJ had found it somewhere.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" You feel guilt when you see the hurt in his eyes, but you simply couldn't. You didn't want to leave the Outer Banks and you knew JJ would go insane if he thought he was the reason you wanted to stay.

Your mouth goes dry, wondering if there was any eloquent way to clarify your reasons for giving up on your education, something you had talked about so often, too.

"I was going to tell you," you try, but you sound more like you're trying to convince yourself and not JJ. "I just never got around to it."

"You never got around to it or you just didn't want to?" He asks with a gaze that forces you to look away.

You know he's right. You were never planning on telling anyone at all. The plan was to discard of the letter and never bring it up, either pretend you never got it or you didn't get in.

"I don't want to leave us," you attempt to explain. "Everything that makes me happy is here. I'm not ready to just leave."

"I mean this in the nicest possible way," JJ starts, running an exasperated hand through his hair. "But you're making a big mistake and I think you know it too."

"What are you trying to say?" You ask harshly, feeling like the world has suddenly dumped its weight onto your shoulders and you're about to collapse.

"What's the chance of making it into this school?" JJ asks you, his eyes boring into yours. "What's the acceptance rate, twenty- twenty one percent?"

"Twenty one," you utter lowly.

"And what's the chance that someone like us would make it into this school?"

"But what's the chance that two people would find someone that they love?" You respond rhetorically. "Doesn't that make it twice as incredible and twice as difficult?"

"You can't miss out on this just because you're scared to leave."

"Well, would you go?" You ask. "Would you give up on the pogues and on me?"

JJ looks at you with soft eyes. You feel slightly dizzy and the fact that you haven't eaten doesn't help, but still you stand, waiting for an answer and you're not sure what you're hoping to hear.

"Yes," JJ utters. "If I was like you, I would leave."

"This is stupid," you try walking away, but again you're pulled back and you're forced to hear the other side of the story.

"Don't you get it?" JJ remarks. "You have a future, you have a chance to get out of here. People like me, I'm gonna be working for other people for the rest of my life."

"But I want my future to be here," you insist desperately. "I like what I have here with you and with the pogues. This is where I want to be."

"You're making me miserable!" JJ suddenly shouts, making you stop every thought that's racing through your mind. "Don't you understand how humiliating it is? Knowing there's no hope for you, to become something more. Do I really have to say this again?"

You look away, too overwhelmed by all the questions. You're mad at yourself. You should've crumpled up that letter and thrown it out as soon as you got it. Even if you do stay, things with JJ won't be the same. Not after this argument.

"Please," you whisper because you know if you talk any louder, your voice will crack, trying to hold down the burning you feel at the back of your throat.

"You have this chance and you're willing to throw it all away? How stupid are you?"

Suddenly, JJ grabs your hand, pressing your crumpled letter into it.

"Just leave," he mutters. "There's no benefit of you being here. I shouldn't be the one holding you back."

"So, I'm just supposed to pack up and forget about you?" You scoff, folding up your letter in an attempt to minimize the situation.

"We should end this."

You knew it coming. There was no way this relationship could be salvaged—at least not right away—but still, you weren't ready to hear the words and they hit you with the force of a train.

"You can't miss out on this," JJ mumbles and you look up at him. "And I'm not going to be the reason you fail."

Little did you know, this hurt him just as much as it hurt you. If it were up to him, he would take you in his arms and tell you this was just one step you had to take on your life, but he knew you were stubborn. He needed you to believe you served no purpose here, only then would you leave.

"Will you be there at my graduation?" You ask, even though that is the last thing one would be thinking about at this moment.

"... of course."

"That sounds... all right, then."

———

I'm back with the angst>:)

I got this idea from Start Up, which is a really good kdrama definitely recommend omg