JJ Maybank Imagines

[a] He Leaves You to Keep You Safe

[ANGST] : y/n

———

"Fucking let go!" JJ's voice echoed throughout your living room, not entirely helping your growing headache all that much.

His words and his tone almost stunned you into silence. You weren't sure how your innocent conversation had turned into such a shouting match, yet here you stood, hands clasped tightly around JJ's arm.

Tugging sharply, you force him to turn and look at you. Usually you'd be scared that words would come spilling out without fear of consequence, but this time, there wasn't a single thought running through your mind.

There wasn't one siren erupting in your head telling you to back off and listen to JJ. So, you took that as a sign to keep going. 

"You know I can't do that," your voice sounded small and timid, you knew that much. You initially tried for a strong voice, a voice of reason, but that was harder to come by.

"Why?" JJ asked you, his tone harsh and for a second you consider letting his arm go, letting him walk away from you because wouldn't that just be easier? This was all getting to be too much. "Why can't you just let me go? It'll be easier for all of us—"

"I'm not letting you walk away just because you're scared," you seethe before you can begin to register the words.

He finally manages to tear his arm away and just as you think he's about to let himself out the door, he turns back, his breathing irregular.

"Tell me this," his voice is now so quiet compared to his earlier volume and you're afraid of what's going to happen next. "Did you like having Barry pull that gun on you?"

"What—?" Your words caught at the back of your throat. JJ doesn't seem to notice or maybe he just doesn't care. 

He shrugs his shoulders casually, "Did you like it when he came this close to you and threatened to kill you in front of all of us?"

His words were venomous and as much as you wished they didn't affect you, they did—and JJ knew this.

For a second you stand there in front of him, mind racing as you try to come up with some sort of response—anything! But you're at a loss for words and so JJ continues to speak.

"Barry could've killed any of us," he doesn't even pace as he says this. He just looks at you, as if you'll start running if he turns away. "He had a gun, he could've killed any one of us easily."

"And what's your point?" You ask finally, your voice slightly hoarse and you suddenly wished you had a cup of water.

"He could've killed any one of us," JJ repeats and you finally notice the redness in his eyes and the way his voice trembles slightly when he speaks. "But instead, he chose you. He chose to bring the gun to your head."

"I was standing the closest to him—" you begin, but you're interrupted quickly.

"Stop pretending to be so naive," JJ runs a tired hand through his hair, frustrated at you by now. "It would've been so perfect."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you understand?" JJ shakes his head, pacing around a tiny bit. "If he'd killed you, the pogues would've lost family and I would've lost the love of my life. He's not after you, he's after me and he's using you to get to me."

And suddenly, all of JJ's yelling makes sense.

He wasn't mad at you, he was mad at himself for not being able to protect you—so he was pushing you away, just like he always did.