JJ Maybank Imagines

[f] Insecure

Imagine type: fluff

Recommended song: Scars to Your Beautiful by: Alessia Cara

Warning: mentions of unhealthy eating habits.

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"Hey, guys," you greeted, smiling, as Pope helped you onto the HMS Pogue. You set down your favourite canvas bag and crossed the boat to sit next to Kiara, who was on her phone.

"What's up, babe," you asked, plopping down next to her and peering at the screen.

"I'm looking for new swimsuits, all of mine are getting old," she said, scrolling through hundreds of swimsuits, which you had noticed were all two pieces.

You felt a pit in your stomach, feeling suddenly guilty that you had had such a full breakfast. You knew you didn't have a body like Kie's, which is why you never wore bikinis.

"Which one do you like? I'll get you one too," Kie smiled, tilting the screen towards you more. You squirmed in your seat, eyes darting over the many colourful bikinis.

"I'm not sure I like any of those," you lied. "Don't worry, I can always look later." Brushing it off, you began to take off your shorts, eager to get in the water and away from that conversation.

"You should try wearing a bikini, y/n! You would look so hot c'mon," Kie insisted, but you felt so safe in your one piece, afraid that your body would be judged if you showed any more of it.

"I don't really think my body has the facilities to host a bikini," you shrugged and Kie turned to the boys.

"John B, do you think y/n would look good in a bikini," Kie tested. John B, who was currently pulling out a beer looked up at Kie with a look of confusion, before turning back to the cooler.

"I have a girlfriend, Kie," he mumbled, taking a sip from the can. Kie turned around with a big grin on her face.

"That's a good sign," she nodded, her thumb pointing back towards John B. "What about you Pope?"

Pope looked up from his book, he had clearly been blocking out this conversation and had no idea what to respond.

"Never mind," Kie waved off the boy and turned to JJ. Your breathe stopped as you realized she was about to ask him if he'd enjoy seeing you in a bikini. As much you hated to admit it, you cared what JJ thought of you.

You looked over at him when he'd finally been asked the same question the other boys had been asked. His eyes flickered towards you, but he didn't look long, eyes returning back in front of him.

"I don't know, she'd look fine, I guess," he muttered and your heart dropped. Kie looked back over you with a more sympathetic smile this time. JJ hadn't known how his words affected, but Kiara might have an idea.

"Time to go drown myself," you mumbled, finally peeling your t-shirt off to reveal your one piece again. Dropping yourself in the water, you felt more horrible about your body than you could ever have imagined.

At least in the water you could hide myself, but on land you had to turn to oversized clothing. Why couldn't I look good in tighter clothing the way Kie did you thought. Nothing seemed to flatter your body the way it did hers and it got so tiring.

You felt ugly, to put it simply.

"You okay?" You heard a voice say as Kiara made her way over to you. You nodded, smiling, covering up your emotions easily, as you'd done it so many times.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you said, hoping this conversation wouldn't be dragged out. Kiara seemed to get it as she started another conversation and you soon forgot about what you were thinking about.

"I'm getting out now," Kie announced after a while in the water with you. You saw as everyone's eyes followed her as she lifted herself out of the water. Pope rushes over to help her out of the water and even with everything going on, you smiled at Pope's actions.

He was clearly whipped for the girl.

You swam over to the boat, helping yourself on, and grabbed a towel out of your bag, drying your hair and body. You took a seat on the bench and John B took out the cooler Kie had brought, pulling out sandwiches.

"Sandwich?" He offered you. You reached for one, before deciding not to. You knew you should take the sandwich, but your insecurities got the best of you, convincing you to skip lunch.

"No, thanks," you declined politely and Kie side-eyed you, worry flashing across her face.

"Are you sure, y/n?" She asked quietly, hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm not hungry, yet," you assured her and though her face told you she didn't believe you, she left you, sure you'd eat eventually. "Besides, I'll want to go back into the water after."

The wind rang in your ears, blocking out the sounds of your stomach as it begged for food. You covered yourself with your towel, soaking in the sun.

Your eyes travelled down to your thighs and a sickly feeling settled in your stomach as you looked away, feeling guilty that you couldn't even look at the body that had been given to you with love.

Relief filled you as you guys pulled back into the dock. You would finally be able to go home without having to worry about who was looking at you. You stayed behind, even after everyone left, gathering your things and shoving them in your bag.

"JJ? What are you still doing here?" You asked, seeing the blonde waiting at the end of the dock, hands in the pockets of his shorts.

"I just wanted to ask you if you're okay," he said, looking at you intensely, his eyes searching your face for signs of distress. "But I didn't want to ask in front of everyone, you know, for your privacy and stuff."

"Oh- yeah, I'm fine," you replied automatically, but JJ didn't look any less worried.

"You weren't eating much today," he observed, but you only shrugged it off.

"It's okay, why are you so worried?" You asked genuinely, the empty feeling in your stomach returning, and not just because you hadn't eaten.

"Because I care about you," JJ said quietly. Your head snapped up at his comment, eyes wide.

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me," you smiled, nodding your head a bit. "I've been eating." Suddenly your stomach grumbled and you squeezed your eyes shut, mentally face palming yourself. Of course. Out of every single moment this could've happened.

"Y/n, please tell me the truth" JJ spoke worriedly and you looked up, feeling defeated.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "But it's so hard. I eat and I feel like shit, but when I don't eat I feel like shit. I don't know what to do." You run your face with your hands, feeling exasperated and tired and humiliated.

JJ suddenly took your hand and led you like a little kid away from the docks. You looked at your hands and back up at JJ who walked with purpose.

"Wha- where are we going?" You asked, confused. You had just told JJ something you hadn't told anyone and you were not sure what was going on.

"Getting you something to eat. Can't have my favourite person dying from starvation, now can we?"

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Just a quick reminder that you're beautiful and I love every single thing about you:)

If you are feeling insecure or are struggling from disordered eating, please talk to someone. If you don't feel comfortable with this, please know you can ALWAYS talk to me. I know how you feel and will always be here for all of you.

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