Saving Her

Chapter 16:

Jace
The worst part was not knowing. It would've been easier to move on, or grieve if I knew if she was dead. Instead I spent my days imaging the worst for her.
Clary had been missing for over a year now. I would love to say that I hadn't given up hope, that we kept looking. However, there was nothing left.
Magnus tried tracking her a thousand times, we hunted down every lead, tortured rogue downworlders, and demons. We had explored every option imaginable and had still come up short.
Jocelyn had given up completely. She had organized a mundane funeral and buried an empty casket.
I stood above her grave, the rain falling hard onto my back. I had my hoodie that began to become soaked.
I stood above it my hands in my pockets. There were tears running down my face, that mixed in with the rain and onto my lips.
I shut my eyes tightly, and fell to my knees in front of her grave soaking my jeans.
"Dammit Clary where are you!"
I sat in the puddle for a while before picking myself up, and dragging myself to a bar. I drank, and I drank.
When I woke up, I had a black eye. I went into the my bathroom with a searing headache. I could keep alcohol down easily, but I must've had more than ever.
I looked in the mirror and found lip stick marks on my face, and chest.
"Oh... Shit"
I opened the bathroom door and looked into my bedroom where a naked red-head lay. She had hair like Clary's but I knew it wasn't Clary.
I groaned, feeling regret and disgust with myself. I showered and got dressed coming out. The girl had disappeared.
I cleaned up the room, but still felt like shit after the hangover, but mostly because of what I had done.
A part of me thought she was dead. The other hoped that she was alive. And another part knew she was better off dead than with Valentine and Azle.
I ran my hand through my hair, and picked up the picture on my desk. It had been from her birthday two years ago. She wore her usual with a leather jacket, and I was smiling for once in my entire life.
Maybe I needed to move on. To get over her. Then in my mind there came a sentence that broke my heart. A sentence that needed to be said. I said aloud, finally admitting it to myself;
"She's gone."
The picture in my hand slipped out of my hand, to the ground, and shattered the glass in the frame where her face was at.

Alec
Jace stumbled into the institute with his arm around a red-head, and looking as drunk as ever.
"Jace, what the hell?"
He looked at me, and shrugged. He dragged the girl toward his room, and I knew I had to do something before this got bad.
"Jace stop."
He looked at me
"I'm going to do whatever the hell I want" He said, clearly drunk. He looked at the red head, and began kissing her.
I ran over quickly and pulled him off. Unfortunately I didn't get there in time to stop her from taking off her shirt.
"Jace!"
He growled and twisted out of my grip.
"Leave me alone!"
I knew that he had been hurt but this was just not okay.
"No! What about your girlfriend!?Clary!"
He looked me dead in the eyes, and I saw how broken he was when the words came out,
"Alec she's gone. Dead, or worse. She's not coming back!"
I decided then to back down mostly because he looked as though he wanted to cry.
I walked upstairs without another word and heard them laughing and kissing until they went to his bedroom, and shut the door. I sighed.
She left the next morning, and I rubbed my head frustrated as I heard a crack inside the bedroom and Jace emerged looking like he had been hit by a bus.
"Hangover gotcha?"
He nodded, but didn't say anything.
"Are we going to talk about this?"
He shook his head,
"Not right now."
I walked over to my closest friend looked him straight in the eye and gave him a hug.
"I'm sorry."
He hugged back, buried his head in my chest, and gripped my back tightly as he broke down.
We stood there for minutes until he had pulled himself back together.
He thanked me, and headed back into his room his eyes red, and irritated.
I ran my hand through my hair. Ever since he lost her, I never saw the Jace that I had come to know. Only a shell filled with grief and misery.