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My older brother: *touches my shoulder*

Me: why is your hand wet?

Him: cause I peed on it (he's joking)

My mom: ewww

Me: you do the same thing
_____________
Me: does anything

My dog: barks

Me: silence mr. Weenie butt the 2nd calm down

Him: calms down
________
So this last one is a bit bad

My mom: *makes a racist joke about Asian Americans*

Me: mom that's not okay

My mom: oh sorry do I need to say it in your language? *does that racist noise that people would do to some Asians* (I'm black/ Asian)

Me internally: so she's homophobic and racist.... I'm putting her ass in the nursing home

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