::MCYT x MALE READER::

::Dream x Male reader::

Not proofread
this isn't rlly a one shot, more like me projecting onto the reader ^^'
Warnings: trauma, sh, blood, impulse, cigarette smoking, angst to fluff
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I snuggled closer to Dream, enjoying the warmth he emits whenever we are close. Dream did the same as we got under the covers tightly. "Don't hug the blankets!" Dream whined as I giggled and pulled them towards me jokingly. He gave me a smirk as he grasped the blankets in one quick move and yanked them towards him, making me practically fall on him. "You're so annoying!" I jokingly spat as Dream laughed until his stomach started to hurt.

We resumed our cuddling session until his phone rang. My stomach instantly dropped at his familiar ring tone. It rang throughout my ears like some broken record. Dream clicked his tongue and pulled his phone out to see the caller id. "It's work I got to take this. I'll be quick" Dream said as he gave me a peck on my cheek and stood to step into the kitchen. I sat on the couch, trying to engulf myself deeper and deeper into it. Trying to suppress the negative feelings that are trying to cloud my brain.

I've struggled with codependency in the past due to things I've dealt with when I was a child. Growing up, relationships were really hard to maintain. Friendships wouldn't last for long, adults didn't bother trying to talk with me and partners would leave left and right. It made me feel very gray, very lost and like I was broken, beyond repair. Getting close to others was and still is a struggle that I've tried fixing on my own. But struggling on your own makes you depend on harmful habits and mechanisms.

I looked over at Dream, sitting on a stool with his hand running over his hair. His back was facing me as I quickly removed the covers from my body and went to our shared bedroom. I went straight to my sock drawer and reached all the way towards the back. I pulled out a brown leather notebook that is disguised as a personal journal. I debated whether to open it or not. But my body was begging for a release, no matter how harmful it was. I opened the book in a swift move and it revealed a cut open square shape within the pages and a red and white box of Marlboro cigarettes were sitting nicely inside it. I opened the pack and took one cigarette and grabbed my lighter by my bookshelf.

I quickly left by the front door and sat a stump that was placed right in front of our porch. It used to be a nice lemon tree but it started rotting from the inside so it had to be cut down as soon as possible. I remember driving home from work and seeing our driveway just full of lemons. A small smile plastered itself on my sunken face as I placed the object between my lips and took my lighter. I covered the flame as I ignited my cancer stick and inhaled deeply. I took the cigarette between my fingers as I let the puff of air escape my lungs into the air around me. The sun wasn't clear any more, it was time for Mr. moon to make its appearance. It was dark all around me, streetlights and our front porch lights were the only source of seeing anything within our environment.

I took another inhale of the cigarette, feeling my lungs start to hurt, as if they were on fire. I continued huffing out the air, letting myself completely feel empty inside and on the outside. They were supposed to make me feel better but they only do the opposite. So why do I keep smoking them? Because I'm afraid of change.

I heard the front door open as I quickly drop the cigarette on to the floor and stomp it before Dream can see. He can still smell me but I can disguise it by saying that it's a shirt I haven't washed in a while. Dream came down the steps and stood beside me, letting a hand drop to rest on my shoulder. I looked up to him with an innocent smile as he returned one as well. "It was one of my editors asking when my video will be finished. Probably within this week or so" dream said giving my shoulder a squeeze.

I only managed to slowly nod as we both looked over at the streetlights. Seeing how bugs landed on the lamp causing small shadows towards the road.

"Wanna go back on the couch?" Dream said as I bit my lip and shook my head. "Don't feel like it, very tired" I said with a simple smile. Dream nodded as he took my hand inside and locked the front door. "I'll close everything then, I'll meet you at our bed" dream said as I quickly made my way to our shared bathroom and began brushing my teeth furiously. I brushed and brushed until nothing spat out of my mouth but blood. I felt hot tears of shame go down my left cheek as I scrubbed my tongue until it burned. I had one thing to do: quit smoking. Yet here I am, wallowing in my guilt as I try to mask whatever sin I just committed without Dream knowing. I promised him I will stop.