Five Nights At Freddy's

13.

trigger warning: self harm, cutting. i'll put an asterisk when the part starts so you can skip it. i really haven't had good ideas to move the story along but this will do jgkfhdjghsh

I looked down at my watch again, this time it read 6:30. The panic started up again. Where was Ray? Was he okay? I snapped my fingers over and over to try and stop thinking about it. I didn't have a phone I could use to try and contact him. I started biting my fingernails in hope that I'd see his car soon. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to visualize myself at home. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and quickly turned around. "Your boyfriend still not here?" William asked. I shuddered and bit my lip. "He'll be here soon." I replied. "I can give you a ride home if you want." He offered, tilting his head to the side. "No, but thank you. I'm okay." I told him, looking down at my shoes. He shrugged and moved his hand away. "You don't want to wait inside for him?" William asked, putting his hands in his pockets. 

"I don't wanna go back in there." I mumbled. I looked down at my hands. I felt so horrible. My mind was screaming at me. "It's cold out here, come on in." He whispered, grabbing my hand. I shook my head and pulled away. I crossed the street and started my walk home.

I tried to slow my breathing down, my heart was racing. I wasn't even running, but I felt like I was going to collapse. My mind wouldn't stop. There was no way I could stay quiet about this. I couldn't just pretend nothing happened! Unless I turn myself in.

"I could do that." I mumbled to myself, feeling tears run down my face. Even if I did that, it wasn't only me. I had to tell the truth, but that could backfire. People would get hurt. I needed to stop thinking but the thoughts kept circling in my head.

I tried to pick up the pace but the traffic light turned green. I probably wasn't even going in the right direction. I had on a sweater and beanie but it was still freezing.

I rocked back and forth on my feet, waiting for the cars to stop. I just wanted everything to stop. I should've never circled that stupid advertisement in the first place! I shouldn't have went to that interview. This all could've been avoided!

My thoughts were soon interrupted as I heard a loud car horn. I jumped at the noise, finally looking up and seeing Ray's car. He got down from the vehicle and walked over to me. I quickly wrapped my arms around him. "I'm sorry I took so long." He apologized, after letting go of me. "It's fine, can we please just go home now?" I pleaded, quickly looking around me. He opened the car door and I stepped inside. I waited for him to get in and buckle his seatbelt and we started our drive home.

"So, how was work?" He asked, looking over at me. "It was fine." I lied. "That's good, K. Hopefully it went better than the other shifts." Ray continued, putting his hair behind his ear. I nodded and bit down on my lip.

We soon got home and I went over to the sink to get some water. I needed a shower after the night I had. I hated myself for lying to Ray, he deserved to know the truth. If I told him, there was chance he'd be in danger. He would hate me forever. I poured the water out of my cup and heard footsteps by the stairs.

Ray quickly came back down wrapped in a grey blanket. He had his signature smile on his face. "Can I give you a hug, Kaleb?" He asked sweetly. "Of course you can." I replied, walking towards him. He opened the blanket and wrapped me along with him, leaving a kiss on my forehead. I thought the tears were going to spill right then and there. Then he'd start asking questions, I couldn't deal with that right now.

"Are you hungry? I can make us some french toast. I just got a bottle of maple syrup last night." Ray states, letting go of me and adjusting the blanket around his shoulders. "That would be great. I, uh, think I'm gonna take a shower first. Then eat." I told him, looking down at my shoes. He gave me one more hug, I tried to make it last a little longer than the other one. I let him go and he dashed into the kitchen.

I slowly walk up the stairs, holding onto the railing. Something I only did when I lived with my parents. It brought me some strange feeling of comfort, but it wasn't working this time. I felt the tears run down my face as I walked into my room, closing the door behind me. I looked inside my closet, shoving my coats and sweaters out of the way. There it was. I had kept a box behind all the clothes I had hanging up in the closet.

I grabbed it and opened it up. I removed the papers covering the things I needed. All those poems and the letter I wrote myself incase I tried to do something like this again. The objects in it were screaming at me to pick them up. I stepped away from the box. What was I doing?

"Don't do this, Kaleb. You're stronger than this. Don't do it!" 

I pulled at the hair on my head, falling onto the floor. I couldn't do it. It would only make things worse, and I knew that I would feel miserable as soon as I made that first cut. I picked up one of the razors I had in the box and got my clothes ready. 

I took off my uniform and turned on the shower. My clothes was laid out on the counter by the sink, but the razor was sitting right by the bottle of conditioner. I stepped inside the shower, the cold water instantly hitting my face. My eyes kept looking over at the razor. I didn't know yet if I would do it for sure. I was trying so hard not to.

I washed my body, ridding it of the awful things I had done last night. I washed my hair, pulling out some of my hair to try and calm myself down. My breathing was shaky and I thought I was going to collapse. I put my hand on the wall feeling the coolness of it. I could just turn off the water and this would be over with. I'd be doing the right thing, I'd be beating the thoughts. 

* trigger warning, self harm/cutting *

I turned around and picked up the razor. My hand was still trembling with fear. I looked closer at the blade. It had been a while since I'd done this. "Don't do it!" My mind continued screaming at me. I brushed the blade against my wrist, simply just feeling the cool metal on my skin. I moved the blade further up on my arm, where it would be less obvious and painful. I swiped it forward and back, wincing after every cut. There was only a little bit of blood but I felt sick to my stomach seeing it. I tried to stop but I couldn't. 

* trigger warning over, continue here *

I rinsed my arm, not expecting it to feel pleasant. I shut the shower off, still trying to process what I'd done. Nearly fifteen months clean, down the drain. I carefully dried myself off, my left shoulder was still in a ton of pain. I quickly got dressed and put the razor back in my closet. 

"There you are, I was beginning to worry that you turned into a merman." Ray joked as he placed the food on the table. I gave him a small smile and sat down. "Thanks Ray, it smells amazing." I told him. He smiled and we started eating. It had been a while since we'd had french toast.

"Any plans for the day?" Ray questioned, drying the dishes I was washing. "Just work probably. What about you?" I replied with a shrug. "We're gonna work on some songs, Gerard wanted to rewrite some lyrics or something." He explained. "That sounds like fun." I said, rinsing off the last plate. "Yeah, I'm pretty excited. Do you wanna come with us?" He offered. 

"Definitely. I'd love to see you guys in action." I told him, a small smile creeping onto my face. "Awesome! I'll let them know." Ray exclaimed happily. He left the kitchen and went to go get dressed. I hoped this would take my mind off things, at least for a little while.

word count: 1451

it's been kind of long since i've updated. this chapter was pretty difficult to write, i'm really glad i was able to push through and get it done. all in all, this chapter was pretty much just to see how kaleb has been doing with all his stress and not being able to talk to ray about it. thank you so much for reading, it means a lot to me! i'm gonna do my best to write the next chapter as soon as i can. (it probably won't be for another few weeks, due to school and other life stuff)