Of Phantoms and Thieves

This Amuses Me

"So? Which will it be?"

The question echoed throughout the theater as the music eerily stopped, the play coming to a halt and the scene on stage disappearing.

"We already understand enough of your situation," Futaba exclaimed. "We understand why you hate us. You're in pain, and we can fix that. Let us steal your heart, just as you did for me!"

Joker stared at the Phantom Thieves, his expression the same. It was almost as if he hadn't heard the words until his expression softened. The dagger lowered and a look of longing appeared on his face.

"As I did... for you..."

"Yes! You saved me! If the Phantom Thieves had never been formed, who knows what would have happened to me?"

"That's right!" Ann piped up. "If it hadn't been for you, I would have never avenged Shiho!"

"I would still be with that fool who claims he's human..." Yusuke pointed out.

"Who knows where I would be right now...?" Haru added.

"You're the one who helped me discover my identity!" Morgana shouted. "None of this good stuff would have been possible had it not been for you!"

Silence followed their remarks. Joker took the mask off his face and dropped it, allowing the thieves to see the tears that ran down his cheeks. He got down from the banister and stood behind it.

"Is... is he shaking?" Ann asked. "Or is it just me?"

"It was never you that I hated..." Joker softly said. "I never hated the Phantom Thieves, I just thought I did. I thought that maybe, by getting rid of myself, I wouldn't make the same mistakes. That if I really was who I claimed to be, then why did I hesitate...?"

The Shadow of their leader furiously wiped his eyes.

"When I summoned my Persona, I vowed to not be weak. I vowed to not be helpless, to not stand idly by and watch when someone was in need. And yet, I still hesitated and watched Akechi die! I watched my self-proclaimed rival, my friend, die, when he needed me the most...!"

Joker choked on his words, wiping his eyes once again as the tears flowed freely. He shook his head.

"I don't care if he was a murderer. I don't care if he was our enemy, I still stood there and looked on as he struggled, as he was blinded by what I had...! Even if I helped him to understand... even if I had done everything in my power to prevent that moment, I know that he would have still hated me. But this guilt that I feel... if I had just taken that step, if I hadn't been so selfish, then he would still be alive!

"That was when I realized how dangerous it was. That was when I realized that I was leading all of you to your deaths, and the only way to stop that was to disband... I got back at Shido, I got back at Yaldabaoth, but all for what? I used all of you, manipulated you into thinking that everything was okay. But it wasn't okay, none of it was okay for me to do...!"

"We all agreed that we were in this together!" Ann yelled. "What are you talking about?!"

Joker gripped his shirt, his hand over his heart. "Why can't you see?!?" he screamed. "Why can't you see that I'm a horrible person?!? I don't deserve to be your leader, quit following me!!! You'll only get hurt, and I can't bear to see that...!"

The Phantom Thieves watched as the Shadow sunk to the floor, his hands covering his face. The palace shook as blood once again poured down the walls.

"Ren..." Morgana breathed. "You don't really think that, do you?"

The Shadow pulled his hands away just enough that the group could see his bleeding face.

"I'm a monster..." he muttered, slowly standing. "But no matter how many times I tell you to leave, you stay. No matter how many times I try to distance myself, you always follow. Why do you not understand...? Why do you not understand that I'm trying to become what most would fear?" The Shadow laughed dryly. "Now that I think about it, I'm just a monster trying to protect his friends... What a foolish thing... In fact, you could call me crazy. My logic makes no sense to outsiders."

Joker's eyes widened and a smirk played on his lips. Shaking, he grabbed his mask and wiped the blood from his face.

"Actually," he laughed, "you can call me insane."