A Moceit Story

Pain

So, this is going to be a short chapter and it's basically yet me venting because recently my abuser is back in my life. Aha. Enjoy?

It was hard for Patton to go from having Janus around twenty-four/ seven to avoiding him in every situation. To make it worse, it seemed like everyone else was avoiding Morality. The only two who didn't were Remus and Logan, they kept to themselves naturally, but whenever Patton saw them he felt wracked with guilt.
Together, they made a lovely-and odd- couple. Patton admired them and wanted to be like them. But now he knew that Remus had kissed Janus... He felt sick to the stomach he hadn't told Logan yet.
At the moment, however, Patton simply didn't have the energy to be confrontational. He just barely completed his necessary Side jobs. He spent all the rest of his time laying in bed and wishing that Janus was there. Not having someone hold or someone to hold him, to the soft side, felt alien.
The warm embrace of lovers was replaced with the crushing pain of misplaced trust.
What was Janus's end game? Patton wondered. Did he ever care? Was it all a game? Was Remus doing the same to Logan?
A wave of fresh guilt crushed Patton as he was yet to inform Logan about what had happened.
Deep down, he knew he had to, but in this moment, he didn't have the strength. Emotional or otherwise.
Patton liked to think the best of people. His mind had already gone over all the explanations to what he saw that justified or explained the situation.
It hurt more then anything to feel like he'd been manipulated all this time. Tricked into falling in love with someone who didn't feel the same. Patton let himself be used to get to his family... His own stupid, needy emotions had put everyone he loved at risk. Why would he do it all again just to be held again? It's moral! It's stupid! It's...
To add to that, all this time he spends moping, is more time Janus could be doing... Doing...
Patton couldn't even imagine Janus hurting anyone...
That hurt him too. He felt guilty that he couldn't think badly of Janus even if he tried.
Maybe Deciet kissed creativity because he wasn't good enough...
What if Janus used to care but Patton had ruined it...
What if all this time Janus felt he had to be with Patton because he felt forced?
Apon looking up, Patton was his mirror. A cloth hung over it in the dim room, however, be could see perfectly well.
The white sheet seemed to fall away like a ghost as Patton stood, the image reflected back at him was no longer human. His half frog like state geared back in judgment.
"I'm the monster... I always am." First with Logan, now Janus... It's always me... My "love" is a curse. "I am a curse."