A life together

When The Dam Breaks

Once in Malibu it was easy to get organized. First, they stopped by the mansion, had lunch with Pepper and Happy, and chatted for a while. Jane and the others decided to find a hotel because they did not want to impose themselves or take advantage of their hospitality. Thor went with them by choice of Loki, who had not spoken to his brother more than necessary.

At night, before they left for the hotel, Tony managed to give a piece of his mind to the god of thunder.

"Listen carefully, big guy. I don't care if you're a god, or if you have super strength, or if you are as tall as a tree. If you make Loki sad, if you make him upset, if I see him shed one single fucking tear because of you, I'm gonna put your head through a wall and then blast your ass to kingdom come. Believe me buddy, I don't need a fancy magic hammer to do that. Got it? "

Thor laughed out loud, put one of his big hands on one of his shoulders, smiled and said, "I can see you are a brave warrior Stark, I am happy my brother has someone who loves him fiercely. I do not intend to harm him... If I do then you are most welcome to put my head through any wall you want. "

Amazed by how that conversation had turned out, Tony went to his room where, JARVIS had said, was his boyfriend.

As always, the AI was right.

Loki was sitting in the middle of the bed, his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms resting there and a haunted expression in his eyes.

Without even thinking about it, the genius took his place behind the god, leaving him sitting in the gap between his legs and wrapping him in his arms. "Oh, Lokes. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I am- Odin said he- That I-", he felt the god tremble. "I am a monster", he whispered.

"What? No, no, no. Honey, no. You are not a monster."

Tony scooped him up and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, thus ending up with the dark-haired man on his lap. His legs on either side of his thighs, facing him.

"You could never be a monster. Why would you even think that?", he cupped his face and wiped a tear with his thumb.

"Odin told me the truth. He said... he... I am not his son. I am Laufey's son", Tony blinked at that but didn't say a thing.

After releasing that initial sentence, Loki recounted the events that occurred in Asgard, stumbling, between sobs. With a cheek resting on his shoulder and a hand playing with his fingers.

"I guess it makes sense why I was always different to everyone else. I am nothing but a monster parents tell their children about at night," he felt the sorcerer trying to get away from him. "I understand if you do not want to be with me any more. The Norns know I would not blame you for it"

"Now you're just being stupid", he kissed him, rested his forhead in his and then said softly, "I don't care if you are asgardian, Jotun, human or a snake, okay? I love you, Lokes. I am in love with you, when are you going to get that through that thick skull of yours? There is nothing in this universe that's gonna make me want to leave you. Not if I have a say on it." Tears marked trails on his boyfriend's cheeks and Tony's heart broke a little.

"How can you still think that after what I told you?"

"Because I know you. You are no monster, love. Not even close to one. Obadiah was a monster. The ten rings were full of monsters. But you? You are Loki, no last name", he said receiving a small and wet laugh. "You are the one that saved me from dying on that roof. The one that gave me a reason to escape that cave. The one that loves my bots without thinking it weird. The one that's always, always by my side. Now, that doesn't sound much like a monster, right?"

Loki looked at him frowning, "But everyone on Asgard said-"

"Didn't Asgard have a war with the jotuns? Of course they would think they're all monsters. But you can't truly think that every single individual from a species is evil. Look at us humans. There's people that enjoy killing and hurting, would you say all humans are monsters because of those few?", his boyfriend shook his head. "Exactly. You're not one just because you're a Jotun. Besides, I don't even know what a jotun looks like''

"Blue", he heard so low that he hardly caught it.

"Huh, bet that'd be a hot look on you"

Loki blushed and kissed him deeply, "Thank you, Anthony. I- I was not handling well. My thoughts were going to some dark places"

"I'm here for you, babe. Always", humming softly, he kissed him again. And then... one of Loki's hands landed on the reactor and Tony flinched.

Shit .

"Anthony? Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" He asked cautiously.

He sighed. He knew he was gonna have to tell him at some point or he'd figure it out on his own, but he was counting on a little more time.

"I need to tell you something, and you're not gonna like it. It took me a while to come to terms with it and I know you have a lot on your plate right now but I have to tell you because you always tell me when something is wrong and I know you would be angry if I kept it a secret so I'm gonna tell you and I know you're gonna freak out cause I'm freaking out and- "

"Darling, breath." He did as asked and closed his eyes.

"I guess it's easier if I show you."

With this, Tony moved just enough to remove his shirt. Loki gasped. His eyes filled with tears again and a hand covered his mouth.

"What- Oh my- Anthony you- no. Please tell me you are not going to ..."

A trembling hand began to carefully trace the lines on his chest and he felt the lump in his throat widen.

"Palladium poisoning. My blood is- I tried finding a replacement but- and it's funny cause although it's k-killing me it is also the thing keeping me alive, you know? But there's no cure and I-", he finally broke. "I don't want to die, Lokes. I don't want to leave you"

With his face on the chest of god and clinging to him as if it were the last time, Tony let out all the feelings that he had been accumulating since he found out that he didn't have much time left.

He sobbed like a little kid until there were no more tears available in his system.

"Oh, Anthony, love, since when do you know?"

"A few days before you left. I didn't want to worry you, I thought I was gonna find a replacement for the palladium. I'm sorry. I don't know how to tell you. I'm so sorry."

"Shh, it's okay my love. You have nothing to apologize for. You are gonna be okay. We are going to figure this out."

"How?"

"This is the moment when I regret not having learned more about seiðr healing," he mumbled upset. "It does not matter. We are both smart, we can solve this. We have to. We have to find a way to- I have to find a way to- I cannot lose you Anthony. Not you."

They both cried some more and decided to go to sleep, emotionally drained and exhausted.

Cuddled up to his boyfriend, before falling asleep, Tony felt a kiss on his forehead and the voice of the god whispering a last sentence.

"The sun will shine on us again, my love. I promise. We are going to be okay. We have to", he gently caressed his cheek. "Please, be okay. Please. Do not leave me."