Ava And Ivy

22 (overthinking)

A/N
I am definitely back to switching between both characters views, and now leaning towards mostly Ivy's
Enjoy this chapter ☺️

*Ava's POV*

I watched as the door closed behind Ivy. Unexpectedly, thoughts of potential death, crossed my mind.

It's a rare thing when I wasn't independent, and had to rely on other people to help me. So when I found myself in such a position, I couldn't help but doubt the person. No matter their past or present. Ivy sadly was no exception.

I couldn't even tell her half of what's true. I didn't have such big trust in her that I would ever show her my secrets, or my true self. My head throbbed as I continue to think. Overthink. That's unusual. I mean, why should I be worried this much? Had pain scarred me to the point of trauma, and no return to the normal past?...

I wouldn't ever tell Ivy the truth. Show her how much I hate myself,. Blame myself..

Because how would she react?
With those dead eyes?

Probably just nod. Think I'm insane. Or worse; pity me.

I thought back to the time that I hurt myself. That I got out of control for the second time.

Yesterday;

Ivy ran away, leaving me to stamp my foot in frustration and enter the tree-house, doing my best to stay quiet.

I felt numb. Finding out that it was Ivy that killed him, and then not being able to react? I was a terrible human being. I won't even dare call myself a friend of his.

I closed the door with my hands and fell to my knees. My whole body was weak and I couldn't move a muscle.

My brown eyes glistened, wet with my tears. They slid down my cheeks, staining my dark skin with salt.

My near black hair dropped onto my face, covering my eyes, which I then squeezed closed, forcing down more tears.

My hands were dropped to my sides, just hanging there. My whole body was motionless.

I didn't know what to do, how to react. I was confused and hurt, grief hitting me like a tsunami.

I slapped myself.

This wasn't helping, all this crying was just making it worse.

My fingers tangled in my hair, pulling on it. I but my lip and shut my eyes, the world spinning.

Pulling my weak body up I attempted to walk a few steps forward.

My stomach felt like it was doing flips as the memory of Reese rose up.

I could see it so clearly, the way he collapsed behind me, when I lifted him up, when he woke up and stared at us with such surprise, fear even. I remembered how he laughed, how he scowled, how he walked and talked to me.

How he said goodbye and asked me to stay safe before leaving.

It made me feel sick.

I stumbled, then. I must have fallen. It was taking so much energy to stay conscious I couldn't even feel my body. Maybe I fainted. Probably.