The Office Curve

Here Come the Brides (Edited)

Weather the storm that comes with the impending nuptials of a family member is something that takes finesse, precision, and copious amounts of booze.

It isn't just a torrential storm of white, lace, and cake - it's a verifiable hell.

There's the engagement, which I'd like to think of as supreme gloating time.  The newly blinged-out bride-to-be is showing off her shiny rock every two seconds to anyone who just happens to be in her vicinity, smiling a smile that threatens to wear out those jaw muscles way before their time.  Then there's the engagement party which encourages further gloating and foreshadows future alienation.  Single friends are reminded of just how alone and lonely they are, married brides who had the best wedding ever are reminded of just how bitchy they were at the time, married brides that didn't have the best wedding ever figure out ways to insinuate themselves in the planning so they can rectify their mistakes, and the father of the bride is usually crying in the corner, not because he's mourning the future loss of his little girl, but because once all is said and done, he's the one left with the bill.

Then there's the actual planning.  The couple are tasked with choosing the food, the venue, the chosen mode of transportation (limos vs Bentleys vs trolleys vs party buses vs your old pinto that needs to be taken out back and shot already), the guest list (the people you want there and the people who can go to hell before you'd consider inviting them), the seating arrangements (the wife shouldn't sit near the baby mama, lest a fight break out), and the style of wedding that best expresses the happy couple's personality (traditional vs gaudy chic).  This is just a sample of what minefield the couple must navigate, though - the list goes on and on and on.

No, seriously, it does.  I should know - I work for a wedding website, remember?

Of course, the most important part of the planning process is the bridal attire - more importantly, what the bride chooses for herself and her bridesmaids.  Most of the time, the groom is the lucky one - they pick a suit, gets approval from the bride, and moves on with his life.  But if such shows as "Say Yes to the Dress" and "The Brides of Beverly Hills" have taught me anything, it's that the selection of the wedding dress and the bridesmaids dresses is steep in bridal politics.  Such choices are prone to heated debates and sudden acts of violence, much like what happens when one drunken man insults another drunken man's mother in the middle of a bar.

It's not pretty.  It's just plain ugly.

So, you can imagine the carnage that occurs when you are involved in not one but two weddings.  It's even worse when the weddings are of your mother and your older sister, respectively.

Yes - my mother and my older sister.  No, I don't know how that happened.  I'm rather not elaborate on the subject, because I'm already upset with the idea of my mother finding true love and getting married before I do.

Ugh, eff my life. 

The only thing good that has come out of this is all the "comfort sex" Gorgeous Blue Eyes has kindly given me in order to cope with this trying time in my life.  I told him that he didn't have to go through the trouble, but Kaim is a very insistent man when he wants to be.  Eventually, I just couldn't resist anymore.  How can you say 'no' to such a beautiful man who only wants what is best for you?

You can't.

Speaking of Kaim, Fate must be kinder than I give it credit for - he's one hell of a birthday present.  It's one thing to have a pretty face.  It's something else when you're a pretty face with a wicked sense of humor and a kind soul that has an amazing ability to touch me in all the right places and make me yodel as though I lived in the Swiss Alps...

Ahem, okay, maybe that's a little too much information.

Long story short, he was turning out to be everything I'd wished for when I blew out the birthday candles.  I still have no idea why he'd be attracted to someone like me, but I was beyond pushing him away.  It wasn't easy though - between the lionesses at work with their hungry eyes, keeping Ms. Bradley in the dark, and keeping my insecurities in check, I don't know I've managed to keep this relationship going.   But I am, and I don't think I've been so happy.