The Office Curve

Chill Like the Water Cooler

I wanted to screw him so bad.

I just wanted to toss him to the ground, rip off all his clothes, and ride him into that proverbial sunset until I saw stars.

Kaim made me so hot, but not for the reason most would assume.

For all his expertise in the bedroom, he was a hell of a web designer as well.  This man knew what he was doing, and Ms. Bradley loved every minute of it.  It's like he was completely in tune with my boss's wants and needs and could perfectly translated them into concept sketches and website mock-ups.  Just seeing him work was pleasure.  Ah hell, I'm just come right out and say it - watching him work in Photoshop or Illustrator, working that Wacom tablet and drawing like nobody's business made me  moist in the undies just as much as his sensuous dirty talk before, during, and after work did.

What can I say - I was absolutely smitten with this man - really.

We managed to keep our romance under the radar, despite the secret flirtations and the sexy rendevous after work.  No one suspected that we might be in a relationship, especially not Ms. Bradley.  I'm quite sure that if she were to find out, she'd not only freak out, she'd either fire us or constantly worry about whether our relationship would be deleterious of the blog.  So it was better to keep quiet and keep Febreeze stocked in the desk in case we were feeling especially antsy.

This isn't to say that keeping the secret was easy.  First, there was my overactive libido, which went into overdrive any time Kaim so much as looked at me, let alone anything else.  But the real difficulty came from the other lionnesses in the office - particularly the single ones.  The otherwise taken or straight up married ones were all up in Kaim's orbit, either "accidentally" bumping into to him in the copier room or by the water cooler, "offering" him a coffee, tea, or water when he didn't ask for it, or just giving him the leery, pedophile eyes that would make even the horniest douchebag nervous.

The single ones took it to a whole 'nothing level.  These girls were after Kaim like hadn't had a roll of sausage in, like, forever, if you know what I mean.  They were aggressive, shameless, and brazen.  I wondered if they had Drake on repeat, because the way they went after him could be summed up in a number sign with four capitalized letters.

#YOLO.  I'm totally serious.

I've seen my share of their antics, though I had a funny feeling that there were plenty more that I'd never get to see.  The ones I did see, however, made me want to rip my hair out.  Deltrese, this one girl in accounting who I'm pretty sure was still a virgin, had the audacity to come to work looking like a strung-out-chicken-trying-to-be-a-sexy-librarian and make all sorts of flirtatious passes at him.  And because she was most like a virgin who'd never been looked at, let alone touched, it was a painful sight to watch, especially for me.  I got more panty shots than I'd have liked, and she was wearing a damn thong.

No, just, no.

Kylie the receptionist took it a step further.  Always bragging about how she wanted to open up her own bakey, I walked into staff lunchroom to grab my bottle of apple tea, only to find this bitch sitting on Kaim's lap, offering him a chocolate covered strawberry.

"I'm sure you find the taste 'exquisite'," she breathed all husky-like.  "Though I can think of tastier things..."

To his credit, he did try to push her away, but the moment she noticed I was there, she jumped right off, the momentum so great that she fell onto the floor.  And while I tried to play if off all cool-like for my own self-preservation, I wanted to rip that bitch's hair out.  No, better yet, I wanted to take that damn strawberry and shove it down her throat.