The Office Curve

Stay Salty, Friends

"Are you freakin' kidding me, Zara?" A moment ago, Kaim all but demanded his mother to keep her voice down. Now, I was two steps away from telling him the same thing. I'd never seen him so flustered or so upset. It was kind of turning me on, truth me told. "Did you just call my mom a MILF? Really? Really?"

"Oh, get your head out of the gutter, Nummy Honey, she didn't call me a MILF - thought I wouldn't begrudge her if she did." One wink from her, and my cheeks wouldn't stop tingling. "She called me a MILK, Kaim - a 'Mom I'd Like to Kiss'. And I'm putting it out there right now that I wouldn't mind that at all!"

"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Poor baby, he didn't know what to do with himself. I wanted to burst out laughing, but I thought better of it. "In the span of ten minutes I go from having a quiet lunch to losing my mind because apparently, my mom and my girlfriend are about to run away together? What is this, 'Jerry Springer'?"

"What?" I waved my hands in the air. "No, it's like that at all!"

"Lay off the dramatics, son." Kaim's mom was completely nonchalant, a knowing smirk stuck on her face. "It's not like that and you know it. And even if it was, you should be proud to know that you're mom's still got that charm. I could think of worse people she could run away with."

"What? What?" The wind was knocked out of his sails. "Oh my God, I just can't even, I can't."

"That's all right, Nummy Honey, you can save all that energy for later." She looked over to me with a sly glance and gave me get another wink. Damn, this woman is more charming than her son is! No wonder he had so much good game - he learned from the best. "I just convinced my son here to take his mother and his lady friend out on the town tonight so we could get know each other the one night I'm here. And because motherly persuasion is a difficult thing refuse, he said 'yes'. Isn't that exciting?"

"Uh...yeah." Never mind that it was Wednesday and I was pretty sure I was out of sick days. "It sounds like it's going to be a fun night."

"Never mind that we have to work tomorrow, and you sure be paying my wages should I have to call in sick tomorrow!" I'm glad he said it.

"Pay you? Excuse me, but I took care of that cute behind of yours for twenty-two years. Are you going to pay me back for all those times I took care of you?"

Kaim slumped down in his chair, effectively shut the hell up. Daaaaaaamn. "Never mind."

"That's right, never mind, and don't you forget it!" Only five minutes after being introduced and I knew we'd get along swimmingly. "Now, if you all will excuse me, I'll go ahead and let you finish work since you'll need all that money to pay me back eventually. And make sure you both dress up real nice tonight now, real nice. The sexier the better! I know that's how I'll do it!"

I could see the whites of Kaim's eyes. "The sexier the better? What the..."

"Zara, won't you be a dear and walk me out?" She locked arms with mine, guiding me to the door just as Kaim was about to blow up again. "It seems my son needs a moment to compose him."

"Ah, yes, of course." I threw him an apologetic glance. "Right this way."

I could hear the scatter of eavesdroppers as Cecile and I made our way out of the office, most of them barely making it into their seats before we fully came into view. From the corner of my eye, I watched as their snickers of triumphed turned into slacked jaw astonishment, a chorus expelled breaths like music to my ears. What? I wasn't crying? She wasn't trying to have at me? We were being friendly and cordial to each other? This was a travesty! This was absurd! This wasn't what they were expecting, and they didn't know what to make of it!

I never realized how good it would feel to see Melissa Archer looking like she just took a humongous dump in her designer clothes. I hoped Rachael managed to take a picture of that and post it on Facebook later. That expression was gold.

Now, it was my turn to look smug. These bitches had no damn sense, did they? Now, they could eat crow for all I care.

"They're all just a bunch of lionesses, aren't they?" Cecile mused. See, even SHE caught that! "No wonder my son chooses to stay in his office and work with you. He'd be devoured on sight if he ventured out to this jungle."

"I've seen them try many times," I murmured, the bitter taste of bile in my mouth.  "And I'm not exactly their favorite person because I get to work with them.  I think they were hoping you were his girlfriend or something so it would take me down a peg or two."

"Hmph - at least they know class when they see it!"  She grabbed my hand, giving it a tight squeeze.  "But you don't need to worry, honey.  I have it on good authority that you're the only one that my son has eyes for, and he's already been warned that there will be severe consequences should he screw this up."

She sounded serious.  "Ah, okay.  I'll keep that in mind."

"Yes, please do, because we'll definitely be seeing more of each other, so get used to wanting to kiss this face."  One last wink, I felt like I would break out into incessant giggles.  "I can't wait to get to know you more later on tonight, sweetie.  Until then, try not to work too hard."

"I won't, I promise.  Take care of yourself until then, Ms.  Harris."

"Ugh, please, call me Cecile.  Ms. Harris is my mother, though you probably wouldn't mind kissing her, too."  Man, they must be a pretty family.  "By for now, dear."

With one last not, she disappeared down the corridor, a pep in her step.  Even if our first meeting embarrassed Kaim a little, I was truly looking forward to spending time with Cecile.  I couldn't explain it, but I felt connected to her.  I couldn't explain it, nor did I know where this assured feeling came from within me, but I just knew that we were meant to meet like this. 

But as much as I wanted to savor the feeling of finding a possible ally, I had to deal with the hot, hard stares that were bearing down on my back.

Oh, them.  I had plans for them.

I turned to all those curious lionesses, a mischievous chuckle rumbling inside my throat.  "My, my, Kaim's mother is quite the lovely lady, isn't she?"

"What?"  How they all managed to say the word at the same time was beyond me.  I couldn't wipe the smugness of my face even if I wanted to - and I didn't. 

"His mother?" Melissa Archer looked like she was going to have another intense bowel movement.

"Yes - his mother.  His lovely, charming, affectionate mother - who seems to have taken a liking to me, by the way."

I strode my back to my office, hips swaying with confident swagger, every swish sending waves of zeal and charisma to all those slack jawed hussies who thought they could pull one over on me.  But the joke was on them - not only had their own cattiness truly made me high and mighty, it was their own fault for giving me such power.  But I didn't mind a bit.  In fact, I relished this moment in the spotlight.  Each any every one of these ladies could kiss my ass.

"You know, I don't always stand high and mighty," I began as I reached my office door, "but when I do, it's because my co-workers were so kind enough to lift me up."  I gave them my own playful wink, showing them exactly who the Head Lioness in Charge truly was.  "Stay salty, friends."

Tonight couldn't come fast enough.