The Office Curve

Scream It Out

I might have sent my sister packing with my calm-yet-biting remarks, but even after indulging in a piece of cheesecake that must have been order directly from heaven, the feeling of triumph was short-lived.  Her words were like poison, seeping into my bloodstreaming, weakening me as time went on.  It was like a scene out of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" - she might have been the bad-ass granny impaled by a thousand little needles and dying quickly, but I was Mu Bai, hit in the neck with that errant needle, dying slowly and very painfully.

Even as I smiled as said my goodbyes to my family, even if I knew I had their support tonight, I was dying inside.  I might have tricked myself into thinking that I was strong, that I can take her on any day of the week, but a human can only take so much abuse before their frail with self-doubt and self-pity.

Why did she hate me so much?

What did I ever do to her to inspire such hatred?

I ask myself those questions everyday, but I'm never afforded any answers.  Instead, I'm left with this hollow feeling inside, a heavy weariness.  You can be self-confident and still have that moment of distress, that moment when you question everything and trust nothing.

Am I really taking the high road?

Am I really as awesome as I think I am? 

Or am I kidding myself?

"You're pretty quiet over there."  I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely heard Kaim's voice.  If it weren't for his hand on my knee, I wouldn't have been aware of his presence or the entire ride home at all.  "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I lied, looking out into nothing imparticular.  "Just tired, I guess."

"Just tired, you guess?"  He chuckled softly.  "You're a terrible liar, Zara."

"If you say so."  In the window, I could see a faint reflection of myself.  Even if it was dark, save for the streetlights passing buy, I could still see the sadness that seeped within my eyes, the weariness from a battle that would never seem to end.  "All I know is that I'm very exhausted."

"I can't say I blame you.  You weren't kidding about your sister, were you?  She's something else, and that's all I'll say.  My mother taught me to always be respectful to women, but she tested my patience today.  If she continued on with her tirade, I don't think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut."

"I'm glad you didn't do that.  If you did, it would have made things worse."  I could just imagine the carnage if Kaim verbally attacked Karyn to defend me.  My mom or Gordon would have probably called him out, and I'm pretty sure Lenin would have asked him to step outside.  It would have been awful.  "Besides, I handled it, right?  I sent her packing, and we were able to enjoy the rest of the dinner.  It's all in the past now."

"In the past - right."  He was no convinced, and I had no energy to change that.  "You want to know what I think?  And I think you may be surprised with what I'm about to tell you."

"Oh, really?"  He piqued my curiosity, despite my exhaustion.  "And what is it that you think?"

"I think I saw a woman tonight who is very jealous of her younger sister."  The words were like a violent shake, rousing me into full conscious.  I looked over to him, wondering if I heard those words correctly, even if the disbelief that clenched my heart told me I did.  "She may have it made, but she certainly seems to want what you have."

I couldn't wrap my head around his words.  They just didn't make sense to me.  "Are you serious?  That can't be right at all."

"But I'm pretty sure I am right," he continued on, keeping his eyes on the road.  "I bet your mom and her fiance see it, too.  Believe when I say that she was spitting nails at you all night.  For every smile you had, she had a frown and then some.  You were the star of the show tonight, and she hated that."